The ‘Show Me’ State
The very manly Jesus’ General has, with his unerring nose for the smell of sin and moral degeneracy, identified Branson, Mo. as the potential epicentre of moral turpitude and vice it so indubitably is.
The General feels that because of their moral uprightness, American values and all-around gosh-darned goodness, that the Von Trapps of the Fundian entertainment circuit, the Lowe Family, should be rescued from out of that Missourian hell ( by Navy Seals, I hope. That would like, so rock) before the general Divine conflagration that is undubitably due arrives, sending the whole boiling to Judgement.
“The Lowe Family is the exception that proves the rule. The part of their show where they re-enact raising the flag at Iwo Jima, albeit while wearing Liberace wear, is proof that they are not a part of Branson’s hedonistic culture. Like Lott and his family, the Lowes should be spirited out of this New Gomorrah before it is leveled.”
I love me some live Iwo Jima re-enactment – the men, the flag, godammit it makes cry every single time – so I took a look at the link so kindly provided.
And I saw this….. SEQUINS! Sequins and BARE SKIN! 
Now as every God-fearing man knows, sequins are Satan’s mirrors – see how they glance and shine, hypnotising with their sparkle … and that ‘v’ of naked, tempting skin, so white, so tender, so vulnerable, so young – how dare they show off the area only just above where their sinful dirty-pillows begin! Why, any virile mid-western male would look at that bare, freckled goosepimpled expanse and the blood would just gallop to his virtuous (yet nevertheless studly, God is generous to the righteous) man-places.
No man, so sorely tempted, could be held responsible for anything he did. Modest those dresses might be on the surface, but all the wiles of Lilith are hidden in the sequins’ deceitful Old Glory disguise. 
If young women continue to tempt Christian men to forget themselves, even to the extent of violent sodomy, then they have only themselves to blame when they find themselves with their very own bun in the oven blessing from God. They must bear it as their public mark of shame. They should have worn something decent.
Something like this.
Its much more appropriate attire for the dirty little madams – not only modest, but patriotic. I believe it’s likely to become a best-seller in South Dakota.
