Wingnut blogger and favourite target of those Sadly Nosian scamps, Ace O’ Spades, is the cause of much current hilarity at liberal US blogs for his take on a lame satrical newpaper article on how to tell if your husband is secretly gay.
Considering this is a man who describes the female pudenda as having been designed by HR Geiger using play-doh and bacon, he’s got off fairly lightly.
Ace’s form of anatomical ignorance is admittedly creative, but bacon? Really? Everybody knows that the female genitals resemble nothing so much as a corned beef explosion. His description doiesn’t even have the sheer poetic chops of ‘meat pocket’. Now this might lead one to think that Ace might not be entirely familiar with female bodily geography and might even find it somewhat scary… That’s fine, but he insists HE IS NOT TEH GAY.
But of course not. Just because of a total fear of scary vaginas with teeth? Why ever would one think that he might be TEH GAY?
Indeed, far from being so, the undoubtedly studly Mr Ace has all sorts of problems with those pesky, pesky chicks, as he makes sure to tell us:
… are you one of those One Week Wonder sort of chicks who will lure me in with lots of sex when we start dating and then lose virtually all initiative and enthusiasm by day eight?
Hmm. You know that just might have something to do with his misperception of the human vulva as a bacon and playdoh sandwich with teeth. I’ve not yet known a woman who actually wants her pussy covered in HP sauce, made into a child’s clay teapot or given a dental checkup. Though there’s still time..
And his girlfriends only lost interest by day eight? And the rest. Try day one, hour one – minute one, even. That I can believe.
The protestations of complete and utter non-gayness, on the other hand, I find slightly less plausible, given that he can’t even tell his corned beef curtains from his pork sword.
[Meat curtains and other meaty items here.]
