Non-Ukian, non-Murdoch newspaper readers may have missed this story, which comes via The Register:
Polish builder sacked for humping hoover
London kids’ hospital outrage
By Lester Haines Published Monday 3rd March 2008 12:16 GMTA Polish building contractor working at London’s Great Ormond Street Children’s Hospital was given his marching orders after a security guard caught him having sex with a Henry Hoover, the Sun reports.
The unnamed perv was supposed to be locking up the site, at hospital admin offices, but was instead discovered in the staff canteen “naked and on his knees with the smiling cleaner”.
The “horrified” guard told the chap to “clean himself and the hoover”, then ejected him from the premises. The unnamed vacuum-molestor later told his bosses he was actually cleaning his underwear, describing this habit as “a common practice in Poland”.
His employer, HG Construction, was having none of it. The company said: “That behaviour is not acceptable, though it gave a few people a laugh.” ®
Look at that smile, full of hidden promise, that come hither look in his eyes – Henry’s a deliberate little flirt. Who can blame a lonely man, far from home in a strange country, for being tempted?
One might almost think the manufacturers had sex-starved midnight cleaners in mind when they designed Henry….
There’s been a small outbreak of mechanofetishism lately; there’s the man who indecently assaulted a lampost this week and the one a few months ago, who was jailed for having sex with a bike.
But what really is the attraction for bikes, lamposts, hoovers and the like? Is there something inherently erotic in mechanical objects? What? Is it the shape, the smell, the coldness? The deliberate designedness?
I’m inclined to think the real attraction is dicing with the dangerous possibility that they might get their wedding tackle mangled mechanically.
I suppose there are issues of jurisprudence here; what, if any, crime has been committed? Did it realy warrant police intervention? The only crimininality I can see is maybe a breach of the peace or public decency, if it’s been done in front of other people or on work time or with other people’s property or maybe criminal damage, if the insides of whatever apparatus it is gets bunged up with ejaculate…
Enough. I’m stopping there, that last mental image is just a little bit too much even for a sicko like me.
