Warning: Get Ready For The War By Other Means

It’s springy springy spring trala, the time when all the old pan-European emnities, ethnic tensions, tribal and religious rivalries burst into full horrendous flower on the television screens of a whole continent.

Yes, it’s Eurovision again!

This year it’s being held in Belgrade and the semi finals are about to get underway:

Tue, May. 20th – 1st Eurovision Semi Final – Eurovision 2008
Thu, May. 22nd – 2nd Eurovision Semi Final – Eurovision 2008
Sat, May. 24th – Eurovision Final – Eurovision 2008

Britain’s entry last time was truly horrible both in concept and execution. I mean really, to enter a contest – whilst still in the throes of a massively unpopular, illegal war – with a bunch of uniformed bimbos singing “We’re Flying The Flag”? Could we have been any more arrogant? and then to sing it totally flat in an atmosphere of strained and embarassed silence? It was dire. In that instance the political voting and aesthetic voting happily coincided and the UK got a deserved bugger-all votes.

This is our entry this year, from Andy Abrahams: a nice, jolly, slightly funky seventies pastiche. Ncely innocuous, unlikely to win but itw on’t actively offend, which is always a plus. But bloody hell, he needs to sort out his offkey backing vocalist.

Is it just me, or does that sound like a rewritten version of ‘H.A.P.P.Y. Radio’ by Edwin Starr?

I make no accusations and I’ll leave that judgement to my fellow northern soul fans…

You’ve got 2 weeks to organise your Eurovision party: as per usual I myself willl be doing the Eurovision marathon fortified with massive amounts of beverages, herbs and snacks and accompanied by a lot of snark on IRC. Eurovision is the next best thing we’ve got to an entertaining war, a war with no actual blood shed except when one performer gets a hangnail snagged on another’s sequins, and I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Lordi might be hideous, but not as hideous as stormtroopers marching down the street.

I already mentioned the voting, which is a whole research topic in itself. As a guide to how it actually works as opposed to how it’s supposed to work (and for an explanation of the whole Turkey/Greece/Cyprus thing) here’s a handy graphic :

Click for bigger version

This year my money is on Ireland to win with their entry from that ineffable and reclusive superstar, Dustin The Turkey.

How could any nation beat that? Irelande Douze Pointe!