Some Guardian commissioning editor has a sick sense of humour, if this encomium to Tony Blair by Sion Simon is any proof. It reads as parody – his lust for office is so obvious, it virtually dribbles down his chin. And yet the paper assures us the writer is, indeed, Labour MP for Birmingham Erdington so therefore this must have been written straight-faced. We can even email him.
Lefty, look in your heart
The chatterati consensus against the prime minister isn’t only wrong – it’s a betrayal of the powerless
Si?n Simon
Friday November 4, 2005 The Guardian
“Ecce, Tony! Dux. Imperator.
A decade and a year since we gave birth to him; since we the party, we the papers, we the people, called him forth from green, musty corridors and gave him life, how he is brought low. Having then bestrode the world like a colossus, what a shambling, deluded husk now stumbles where once was greatness.
Thus the chatterati consensus. That’s pretty much what you think, isn’t it? He’s lost the plot. It’s only a matter of time before there are pets in the cabinet. We don’t know whether Blunkett’s departure was a crazy whim of this fading Caligula; or if his resignation in the face of prime ministerial support is evidence that Blunkett, too, has perdu ses marbres. Either way, the whole thing is a disaster.
The most baffling thing about such bunkum is that it’s wishful thinking. For some reason, very many people – commentators, Labour supporters, Guardian readers – have set their hearts on a black caricature of this government and its prime minister that has no basis whatsoever in actuality.”
Overblown metaphor? Check. Use of classical tags for pseudo-intellectual effect ? Check. Grandiose statements – ‘no basis whatsoever in actuality’? What, not even a tiny, tiny smidgen? Check:
‘Ive heard: “I will never vote Labour again while that man is leader.” But that’s a betrayal of all the least powerful people in the land, who rely on a Labour government to help them. The sentiment is dysfunctional, illogical; frankly, it’s disgraceful. So look into your heart, Lefty, and ask yourself: “Why do I hate Tony Blair?” I don’t know the answer, but I know that it’s nothing to do with Tony, or Labour, or even politics itself. It’s about you.’
Oh dear, oh dear. Tony is wonderful; everything’s wonderful, and we’re all insane.
It’s no surprise to learn that Simon’s one of those lightweight shoehorned-in Blairites who has bugger-all political experience and bottom, little experience at anything resembling real life, but who have huge self-regard. What does surprise me is he is a professional writer. You mean people have paid for this crap?
Political profile
Sion Simon, like several Labour MPs, is a journalist. But few, however, have a resume quite like his.
An associate editor of Conservative journal The Spectator (edited by Tory MP Boris Johnson), he also had regular contracts with the Daily Telegraph and News of the World – neither organs renowned for their support for Labour.
Nonetheless, he espoused a very loyal line to the Labour government throughout its first term and was selected for the safe seat of Birmingham Erdington, where he grew up.
He pledged soon after his election to fight to bring the new national stadium to the city.
He caused controversy in April 2002, when he was quoted in a magazine saying that developing a political specialism was “not really me, so I’m writing a fiction book and planning a political book”.
Aaaaah, OK. The Spectator. Boris Johnson. Apparently, he’s also a product of Magdalen College Oxford. There’s a surprise.
Never mind, Tony, at least some opportunist Tories still love you ( although they’ll be off as soon as young Cameron takes over , as it’s their wont to go where personal advantage lies) . But it’s still a sad day for what once was a working-class, socialist party when the leader’s last public support is that of a Sion Simon.
