Move over Al-Fayed and the Daily Express, there’s a new scandal in town:
Royal ‘target of sex blackmail’
GARETH ROSEA MEMBER of the Royal Family has been targeted in a “sex and drugs” blackmail plot, it was reported last night.
Scotland Yard was contacted after the alleged blackmailers threatened to go public with a video that they claimed showed the Royal – who cannot be named for legal reasons – engaged in a sex act.
A demand of £50,000 was put forward but a police sting led to the video being seized and the men arrested, it was claimed. According to the Sunday Times, the Royal household was first contacted on August 2 when the caller only identified himself by his first name.
He said he was aware that another man who worked on the Royal staff was in possession of an envelope containing cocaine. He claimed it had been passed to him by the Royal and that the envelope was embossed with the Royal’s personal signature.
It was also alleged during the conversation that a videotape showing the aide giving someone oral sex existed. The recipient of the sex act was indicated to be the Royal.
According to reports, the video also contained unsubstantiated allegations about other members of the Royal Family, including the Queen.
The caller then left his mobile phone number and asked for the Royal to phone them back. During subsequent calls the blackmailers claimed the video showed the aide snorting cocaine. The blackmailers guaranteed that no one else would ever see the video, which was stored safe in their flat.
According to the newspaper, a senior legal adviser to the Royal called back and agreed with the blackmailers that he would see the tape before handing over the cash.
A Whitehall security official was reported as saying: “He said he wanted £50,000 from the Royal for the tape.”
Who ever can it be?
My first pick would be Prince Edward, for reasons that have been plain to see for years, But that’s too obvious, It could be Harry – I get the impression he’s a bit of a lad and up for anything. But that being so, it wouldn’t be much of a scandal would it? Certainly not worth half a million fifty grand… [I need my eyes testing, the zeroes are blurring together.]
Hmmm. My money’s still on Edward….but I don’t think he’s worth half a mil fifty grand either.
Squeaky-clean heir to the throne William’s girlfriend Kate Middleton might well be camouflage for other interests (I won’t call her a beard, that would be defamatory and unkind), in the mould of Edward’s Sophie Rhys-Jones: a nice middle-class gel with ambitious parents who’re socially unsure enough to make no fuss about a very rich royal husband who’s that way. They know the deal, unlike Diana. Money and position buys hypocrisy and discretion.
Whoever it is, I don’t really bloody care except as I care whether Britney Spears gets custody of her kids or not. It’s just gossip and sleaze. Come out already and draw the poison. Jeez.
Blackmail and scandal, while amusing for those of who like to take the piss and also vastly profitable for the newspapers, is really a bit pathetic in these openly hedonistic times, when the Sultan of Brunei’s daughter goes to her wedding in a solid gold Rolls Royce covered in diamonds. When Britney’s minge makes the front page while thousands dying in Iraq barely make page 2, what’s a bit of blow and a blowjob in the broom cupboard?
If we must live in a monarchy, let’s at least have one that’s openly libertine, instead of all this squalid huddling in palace corners with the servants (or rather agency temps).
Dammit. we want a royalty we can properly condemn, one that practices its vices out in the open like any other hedonistic, overprivileged sleb, instead of this buttoned-up, ass-clenched, Marks & Spencers version of royalty with its Hyacinth Bucket sense of public propriety.
Perhaps this’ll cut through the fuzzy pink, soft focus glow that surrounds the Queen and we’ll finally get just how bloody stupid the whole idea of royalty is. Perhaps. In the meantime I’m revelling in the thoiught of the right royal piss-take the whole thing is bound to provoke from Graham Norton.
[Edited slightly to correct my misreading]
