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Hey, Rachel Moran! Ever Heard of Rehab?

bigotry, Blogs, Culture, Life under Capitalism, Poverty, Race, Wingnuts
Published on 5 Comments on Hey, Rachel Moran! Ever Heard of Rehab?

Spoilt Brat

Tampa Bay’s very own spoiltbratblogger Rachel Moran once again amply demonstrates her qualifications for a spell with the nice people at the local ‘residential spa’.

As Lindsay at Majikthise very helpfully points out Moran is writing about the homeless again and, as the lady herself once saw fit to grace us with her exalted presence and we continue to take a proprietary interest, I popped over to take a look.

I do wish I hadn’t.

hey, rick baker! ever heard of a SHELTER?!

Hooooray, guess what I did tonight? Kicked it with a homeless dude, of course, ’cause, you know, you made such a point of it.

I walked out of the Garden, where Sam The Pickles was playing the deep drum-n-bass, makin’, like, two pretty girls shake their ass for fun, before I hit the Brandy’s Liquor Lounge for the real Bon Jovi throwdown, courtesy of The Movie.

What is it with this woman? She seems to think she’s lliving in some kind of picaresque novel with herself as the heroine. She’s sleazing round bars in a provincial backwater, thinks getting drunk and/or high, tooling around in her Mercedes (‘Benz’. Oh dear.) on her Daddy’s money and talking drunken bollocks with her fellow trainee middle-aged lushes isn’t just another dull and tawdry story of a life lived in quiet desperation. Nope, she’s got to justify it to herself as some kind of transgressive, edgy, art experience, just because she’s blogging about it.

That could work in theory: ‘Mary Sue as Patrick Bateman’ hasn’t been tried in blogging yet so far as I know, so at least she’d have novelty value. But even taking it purely as a writing exercise it doesn’t work, not with Moran’s writing it. She’s just so damned incoherent.

I had trouble finding excerpts to feature, because for the life of me I cannot see any point where the whole rambling story hangs together. So one chunk’s as good as any other:

The Snoop Dogg look-alike was out of earshot or had given up by this time. I don’t know. I don’t care.

“What’s your name?” said the guy in the other Benz, in front of the cop.

“Mercedes,” I said and drove away, safely, slowly, thinking about you, and a cop kickin’ it by my car for no reason, and a homeless man that is perfectly sufficient asking you to hand him things.

I got a lot of flack when someone handed me things, so I stopped doing it.

My, oh my, what a difference a year makes.

Your challenge – buy something off a homeless person at an exorbitant rate. Don’t let the transaction take longer than it needs to.

Now pretend you go out and see police at every corner. I know you weren’t there, because the street was empty, except for the Snoop Dogg look-alike who sold me a stoge at a dollar (a 400% markup). Pretend also that you could handle the same transaction as smoothly.

And now tell me I wanna beat people up.

Uh?

I’ve really tried, but I can’t for the life of me find where that particular moral can be drawn from this story. All I can conclude is that Rachel Moran thinks the fact that she didn’t beat a homeless guy up on this particular occasion proves that she doesn’t want to beat people up. This from a former law student? It’s a good job she never graduated, she’d’ve been a liability to the profession.

The one thing that does come across from the post is that Rachel Moran thinks this is an adequate riposte to her critics and they should shut up and butt out.

Butt out? Oh no. She obviously wants attention, so she shouldn’t complain when she gets it.

Can I Tempt You To Sin?

Blogs, Culture, Religion, Wingnuts
Published on

Fancy fucking with the patriarchy a little bit?

Punkassblog has a link to one of those batshit fundy sites that’s running a survey on attitudes to what’s allegedly modest or immodest in dress:

Their survey, in which 200 something girls submitted over 300 “is it skanky when I _____” questions, which were then boiled down to something like 150 meticulous statements covering topics like bikinis, body glitter, and appropriate fabrics, complete with pictures for those guys who don’t know what a camisole is because in their minds they call it “she’s wearing that shirt that gets me all hard again.” Boys have to indicate to what degree they agree or disagree with the statements. The results will help girls help guys by finally having a clear set of instructions that will help them avoid being siren songs to sin. Unless you want to be a siren song, in which case the results will give you detailed instructions of exactly where the fine line is for getting your Christian brothers all hot and bothered against their will without overdoing the slut bit.
[…]

Here’s some statements they want yes/no replies to:

#5 It is a stumbling block when a girl reaches into her shirt to adjust a bra strap.

#1 A girl’s physical posture and/or position can be a stumbling block.
#5 The way a girl walks can be a stumbling block.
#4 It is a stumbling block to see a girl lying down, even if she’s just hanging out on the floor or on a couch with her friends.

#1 Putting lip-gloss on in front of a guy is a stumbling block.
#18 A purse with the strap diagonally across the chest draws too much attention to the bust.

And no eating bananas or ice-cream either, I’ll warrant. I’d better put down this lollipop I’m sucking too.

Those poor poor boys, they must be in a constant state of priapism. For god’s sakes, why can’t they just go and have a wank and stop bothering the rest of us?

The Brothers’ softly lit photograph is prominently featured in several places on their site and shows two remarkably handsome, male model-like young men:

Making good fundy girls horny

The dirty, dirty teases. Surely it’s immodest and un-Christian to inflame young girls’ lusts with images like that? Shouldn’t they be covered up?

Joking aside – let’s face it, these are just two young evangelists on the make, no different than the hucksters on the tv channels, in the megachurches or at revival meetings. The only difference between them and an Elmer Gantry or Pat Robertson is that they’ve dressed their hypocrisy up in a slick, hip online image.

They boast that evangelism is a family business to them, which leads me to doubt both their sincerity and their integrity:

Alex and Brett have grown up in a ministry household. Their father, Gregg Harris, is a well-known homeschool author and speaker, teaching elder at Household of Faith Community Church and director of Noble Institute for Leadership Development. Their mother, Sono Harris, is an accomplished speaker and successful speech coach. Their older brother, Joshua Harris, is senior pastor of Covenant Life Church and bestselling author of, “I Kissed Dating Goodbye,” “Boy Meets Girl,” and “Not Even A Hint.”

Do you see anyone actually doing anything in the way iof real work there? No, they’re just sucking off the teat of fundy largesse, as so many others do.

Their website doesn’t appear to be about helping anyone but themseves – it’s primarily about their making a living without actually having to to do any actual work, by trading on their good looks and exploiting other young people’s religious confusion and insecurities to make a buck.

They may not be making much money right now, but just look at the exposure they’re getting. The paid preaching engagements at Christian Academies’ll soon be rolling in.

Their whole site is also a form of porn by proxy. By tempting other supposedly godly young people to thoughts of sex and sin, they’re breaking one of the central tenets of Christianity – that inciting another to sin is a sin in itself and potentially a worse sin than the sin that was encouraged.

Call themselves Christians? Bloody hypocrites and whited sepulchres, the pair of them.

Am I suggesting you go over and freep their poll? Well, yes, yes actually, I am. I suggest we all go over to their survey en masse, wearing our tightest basques, highest heels and filmiest lingerie (and that means you too, guys) and freep it to hell and back.

For further in-depth discussionof the whole issue of fundies pushing ‘modesty’ see also Feminsiting, Pandagon, Feministe and Feministe again.

Virgin Ben To The White Courtesy Phone Please…. Stat!

Blogs, Funny, US politics, Wingnuts
Published on 1 Comment on Virgin Ben To The White Courtesy Phone Please…. Stat!

Here’s young Ben‘s best and probably his only chance ever to join the world of the grownups …

Virgins Wanted!

Paris and Jenna to Show Virgins the Ropes?

Posted Jan 23rd 2007 9:17AM by TMZ Staff
Filed under: Wacky and Weird
When you think of Paris Hilton and Jenna Jameson, the last thing you probably think is … virgins.

And yet, sources tell TMZ that famed on-camera sexhibitionists Hilton and Jameson have been contacted about “participating” in a reality show currently in production called “Virgin Territory,” in which a group of the uninitiated will find their way to the promised land. Ironically, it’s being brought to TV by the purveyor of Paris’ sex tape, Kevin Blatt, who predicts that even more people will watch “Territory” than “One Night in Paris,” Hilton’s infamous night-visioned romp.

To help stock his TV larder, Blatt will be unveiling giant billboards in Times Square and Los Angeles; soliciting actual, live virgins in those cities. “Finding virgins in NYC or Los Angeles is no easy task,” says Blatt.

Over here, over here!