Once Were Wankers

I was going to be snarky about in this appeal for sympathy by former MP Joe Ashton, on behalf of the Association of Former Members of Parliament, but really, it’s impossible to satirise.

Few voters or even newspapers ever realise that the average length of service for a Member of Parliament is about 8 years.

Sooner or later the guillotine falls. Either the voters feel like a change and sack them, or their local parties deselect them. Or their constituency boundaries change, or they retire on a pension based on their length of service.

In one general election, in 1997, 164 MPs lost their seats inside two hours at midnight.

Many of them were shown on television with the whoops, cheers and boos of a pop idol arena with their relatives and children watching and silently crying.
Their secretaries and staff also lost their jobs too.

What happens to the losers then? Nobody knows. Or even bothers to find out. Many sacked MPs suffer serious problems in getting other jobs. Employers are notoriously wary of setting on staff who may know too much.

Like many other thousands of people who become unemployed they too have the same problems of moving schools, moving houses, getting into debt and applying for benefits.

But so do other people. So there is little sympathy
Unfortunately, in other jobs the skills and professional experience is transferable. There may be vacancies in the same trade just a few miles away.

But for MPs there are no other Parliamentary factories except in London at Westminster. Workers in all other large companies can meet their friends to help each other. Defeated MPs are isolated scattered and rejected they are single unemployed individuals with no prospects anywhere.

Our Association is not about jobs it is about keeping old soldiers of the regiment together, able to give specialist advice and help for their widows too. Our members are from all parties, ranks and titles, ranging from two former Prime Ministers, a former Speaker of the House of Commons, and former Chancellors and Chief Whips.
We have 80 Lords and 40 ex-cabinet ministers in our group. We could, if necessary, form a new government tomorrow and easily run the country.

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Poor loves, pining away for Westminster and their lost importance. My heart bleeds.

But what a bunch of failed also-rans and losers, salivating for the days when life was good and no-one ever questioned your expenses or the handy little tax dodges that let you maximise your parliamentary income while keeping family and ex-mistresses sweet.

Oh yes, that’s now, isn’t it. No wonder the Association’s so ready to leap into action and form a government should the call ever come. Once a wanker, always a wanker.

New Labour, New Corruption

Unlike the funny guys at Through the Scary Door, who want to make sure that you know that none of this is corrupt I am happy to indeed call this corruption: if not legally, than morally:

Tony Blair is due to take his post-prime ministerial earnings to more than £7m this year following his appointment to a six-figure-salary job with Zurich Insurance, the Swiss financial firm, advising it on climate change.
The company, which could pay out tens of millions of pounds for claims from businesses and householders over floods, hurricanes and droughts caused by global warming, is taking Blair on to advise it on the implications of climate change.

[…]
The appointment is the fourth deal negotiated by Blair since leaving office. He is getting a £5.8m advance for his memoirs and £500,000 from Washington Speakers Bureau Inc for a worldwide tour of speaking engagements.

Earlier this month it was disclosed he was getting £500,000 a year as a consultant to bankers JP Morgan Chase.

Not to worry though that these companies are renting Blair to unduly influence the current government. Blair has made some strict promises not to do so until next July:

In accepting these jobs, Blair has agreed conditions with the advisory committee on business appointments – the body that vets ex-ministers and senior civil servants taking outside jobs. He has agreed not to lobby Gordon Brown, or any minister or official, on banking or climate change for his new employers or their clients until next July. He has pledged not to reveal any “privileged information that was available to him as prime minister” in his speeches.

No, these companies are not handing him large amounts of money (compared to what you and I make, only peanuts from their perspective of course) to buy his influence, but to reward him for being a good boy. It’s a doggie biscuit.

Proxies Of Grief

Via Guido Fawkes comes a report in the Evening Standard that arrests are about to be made in the New Labour election funding scandal. Oooh! At last they get their comeuppance. Who could it be? David “Friend of New Labour But Not Of Gordon Brown” Abrahams’ ? A cabinet member? Gordon Brown himself? Who?

Mr Abrahams made the payments through his builder, his secretary, a solicitor and a lollipop lady to avoid being identified officially as a donor.

Now, six weeks after Scotland Yard began investigating, detectives are preparing to make their first arrests.

It is believed two of the proxy donors could be among the first to be detained.

Peter Watt, who resigned as Labour’s general secretary, is likely to face criminal charges over his role in the affair.

He signed off the forms sent to the Electoral Commission naming secretary Janet Kidd and builder Ray Ruddick as the donors to the party.

However, the money was actually from Mr Abrahams.

If this report is true, it’s the least important (albeit pivotal) people in the case: the people Abrahams put up as proxies to give money secretly to Gordon Brown and New Labour. Why only them? Why only the proxies and not the principall, Abrahams, or the Labour figures associated with him like Mendelsohn? Gordon Brown’s already publicly admitted that illegalities have taken place.

The CPS’ or the police’s blatant leaking (allowing suspects to know that they’re about to get nicked before it happens, which has got to be a criminal, not to mention a disciplinary, offence) is pretty shocking too, though depressingly usual

What I don’t understand is the cackhanded timing of the leak: it’s not good for the investigation or the government on the face of it.

Its bound to draw further unwanted attention to Brown crony Peter “I was in the ANC once you know” Hain, the Minister for Work and Pensions who’s hot, hot hot on cheats who evade the law (and who’s just announced plans to make disabled people effectively work for the state for free, whether they’re able to or not. Perhaps they could be proxies for private equity barons, yes, that might work….).

Hain the Vain’s neck deep, right up to his permatan in fact, in the proverbial right now for having accepted and not declared a hundred grand in donations to his ldeputy leadership campaign. To put the cherry on top, he’s also allegedl to have taken some of that undeclared money in return for publicly endorsing one of those donor’s dodgy financial product in ads.

Corruption and financial impropriety aren’t something the Son of The Manse would like attention drawn to just now, not in these fragile economic times,

Thiese arrests story couldn’t be worse for the government or the police in PR terms – the public’s immediate reaction to this story, if true, is quite likely to be as mine was, “Bloody typical, Labour gets away with it again.”

Just When You Think it Can’t Get Any More Farcical

BBC:

Labour given donation rules grant

The Labour Party was paid £183,000 in public money to help officials understand new funding rules shortly before it accepted secret donations.

The Electoral Commission gave the party the start-up grant in 2001 and 2002 after the Political Parties, Elections and Referendums Act 2000 came in.

But since 2003 property developer David Abrahams has donated £663,975 to the party under other people’s names.

[..]

The Conservatives received a similar sum.

The cash was intended to help party officials understand regulations including submitting accounts and declaring donations above £5,000.

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