This is just… eh, there’s no words for this. Found in the comments to Amanda’s post on the routine photoshopping of female images creating yet more mpossible ideals for women to feel bad for failing to live up to, comes this utter monstrosity, a photoshop makeover service for beauty pageant tots.
That is just so fucked, if I may be so uncivil.
…with these videos made by Somerfield (for USanians, equivalent more or less to Kroger) employees while the boss wasn’t looking. There’s spoof ads ( see below), extreme floor cleaner surfing and daredevil toilet-roll jumps- something for all the family – and none of it sanctioned by the health and safety bods.
I once worked briefly for Somerfield in the deli when I was a student for a princely 3.60 an hour. Iin fact most of their staff are students (and guerilla filmakers too by the looks of it). It was one of the most dismal workplaces ever.
Well done these guys for cheering it up.
I really hope they don’t get fired. It would be a PR disaster for Somerfield and their products are a PR disaster enough already. In the hierarchy of UK food retailers it’s not ranked very high: even our supermarkets adhere to the class system. The list goes (and this is IMSHO) Marks and Sparks, Waitrose, Tesco, Sainsburys. Morrisons. Co-op, Spar, Asda, Aldi and Lidl, in descending order. Maybe this’ll bump Somerfield up the list, if they show a sense of humour about it. I’m not optimistic though.
Thanks, of a sort, go to Hairy Fish Nuts for finding this, thing.
What it is exactly in terms of literary form I’m not sure, it’s too bad to be fanfic even, but it involves Star Trek, Vince Foster and Hillary Clinton.
I can see the guy who wrote it in my mind’s eye and it’s really not a pretty sight. I wish I’d never read it but since I have I see no reason why the misery shouldn’t be spread around a little.
Captain, over here.
What is it, Spock?
This paper, it has two headlines. Most interesting.
Why is that?
Well, the first headline shows Mr. Gore being nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize–that was, Captain, supposedly the instrument to encourage the people of the world to pursue peaceful aims rather than arming countries and destroying humanity–with the award for his work in pointing out the dangers of global warming.
What about the other headline?
Ah, the one where this lady named Hillery…
Didn’t she become the first woman President of the United States?
Yes, you’re quite right Captain. She was also the person with the shortest Administration ever.
If I understand my history right, Spock, she was impeached and convicted within three weeks of assuming office.
Yes, Captain, quite correct. It seems that her first official act was withdrawing American forces from a country called Iraq. Upon the announcement, January 21, 2009, if I recall your planet’s history correctly, armed elements of a group calling itself Al Qa’eda attacked this place destroying the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, and something called Yankee Stadium. They also assaulted places in the capital of this country. All that took place on January 25, 2009. Seems the American Congress didn’t buy her explanation that it was all just a misunderstanding.
Spock, how is it that a race as intelligent as this one seems to be–after all, they put men into space and have gone to the deepest parts of the ocean, and are well on their way to harnessing the power of the computer–elect such a woman as that? Surely they could see the disaster coming.
Sir, I would like to suggest that the population of the time seemed to be more focused on saving their villages rather than their country. They were hooked into voting for someone who history has shown was cupable in the murder of Vince Foster, and cannot even keep track of the billing records of her own law firm.
Well, then, Mr. Spock, what do you suppose our chances of finding intelligent life are on this planet at this time.
I really have not had the chance to validate all the permutations, Captain, but I would estimate the odds at being approximately four hundred thirteen million, two hundred sixty-four thousand, three hundred and six to one.
[…]
You could read on – there are comments too. But I’m guessing that unlike me, you’ve got more sense.
Niche products get taken to silly extremes, with this Ectotherm Hermit Crab Bling Kit:
Make your hermit crab’s shell sparkle! The new Hermit Crab Bling Kit comes with plenty of bling to accessorize 2 shells. Decorating has never been so much fun! The non-toxic kit contains google eyes, rhinestones, glitter poms, assorted gemstones, and a glitter glue pen. Let your imagination run wild and give your hermit crab the snazziest shell on the block.
I can’t imagine the brainstorming session in the marketing department that came up with this one. What were they on?
Tampa Bay’s very own spoiltbratblogger Rachel Moran once again amply demonstrates her qualifications for a spell with the nice people at the local ‘residential spa’.
As Lindsay at Majikthise very helpfully points out Moran is writing about the homeless again and, as the lady herself once saw fit to grace us with her exalted presence and we continue to take a proprietary interest, I popped over to take a look.
I do wish I hadn’t.
hey, rick baker! ever heard of a SHELTER?!
Hooooray, guess what I did tonight? Kicked it with a homeless dude, of course, ’cause, you know, you made such a point of it.
I walked out of the Garden, where Sam The Pickles was playing the deep drum-n-bass, makin’, like, two pretty girls shake their ass for fun, before I hit the Brandy’s Liquor Lounge for the real Bon Jovi throwdown, courtesy of The Movie.
What is it with this woman? She seems to think she’s lliving in some kind of picaresque novel with herself as the heroine. She’s sleazing round bars in a provincial backwater, thinks getting drunk and/or high, tooling around in her Mercedes (‘Benz’. Oh dear.) on her Daddy’s money and talking drunken bollocks with her fellow trainee middle-aged lushes isn’t just another dull and tawdry story of a life lived in quiet desperation. Nope, she’s got to justify it to herself as some kind of transgressive, edgy, art experience, just because she’s blogging about it.
That could work in theory: ‘Mary Sue as Patrick Bateman’ hasn’t been tried in blogging yet so far as I know, so at least she’d have novelty value. But even taking it purely as a writing exercise it doesn’t work, not with Moran’s writing it. She’s just so damned incoherent.
I had trouble finding excerpts to feature, because for the life of me I cannot see any point where the whole rambling story hangs together. So one chunk’s as good as any other:
The Snoop Dogg look-alike was out of earshot or had given up by this time. I don’t know. I don’t care.
“What’s your name?” said the guy in the other Benz, in front of the cop.
“Mercedes,” I said and drove away, safely, slowly, thinking about you, and a cop kickin’ it by my car for no reason, and a homeless man that is perfectly sufficient asking you to hand him things.
I got a lot of flack when someone handed me things, so I stopped doing it.
My, oh my, what a difference a year makes.
Your challenge – buy something off a homeless person at an exorbitant rate. Don’t let the transaction take longer than it needs to.
Now pretend you go out and see police at every corner. I know you weren’t there, because the street was empty, except for the Snoop Dogg look-alike who sold me a stoge at a dollar (a 400% markup). Pretend also that you could handle the same transaction as smoothly.
And now tell me I wanna beat people up.
Uh?
I’ve really tried, but I can’t for the life of me find where that particular moral can be drawn from this story. All I can conclude is that Rachel Moran thinks the fact that she didn’t beat a homeless guy up on this particular occasion proves that she doesn’t want to beat people up. This from a former law student? It’s a good job she never graduated, she’d’ve been a liability to the profession.
The one thing that does come across from the post is that Rachel Moran thinks this is an adequate riposte to her critics and they should shut up and butt out.
Butt out? Oh no. She obviously wants attention, so she shouldn’t complain when she gets it.
