Europe – Page 10 – Prog Gold

Comedy Double

Published on May 25, 20072 Comments

Today’s comedy double is all about Holland and the Dutch – it’s about time I did my tiny bit towards cross-cultural ~~understanding~~ ~~confusion~~ ~~ah fuck it~~ muddling along as usual, and as I’m often asked, “what’s life actually like in Holland?”, here it is – life in Holland, via the magic of comedy.

This clip from cable ‘yoof’ channel BNN shows the sorts of things we see in the streets every day:

If you watched that and you’re still going “wtf?”, here, from Amsterdam’s very own US expat comedy theatre Boom Chicago is a quick primer on the difference between European and American senses of humour:

Anyone whose ever been to NL will give a shudder at the mention of Dutch supermarkets. Let’s face it, they’re just weird. The Albert Hein chain of stores, for instance, combines all the glamour of Kwiksave with the aspirations to gentility of Waitrose, but with a complete and utter bonkersness that’s all its own. Recently all the Dutch AH customers went mad for the Wuppie, a little furry doodad given away free with groceries. The key word here is ‘free’ – the Dutch bow to no-one in their ability to grab anything free that’s going, no matter how useless or ugly it might be. “But it’s free! ”

This is how excited the Dutch can get over a cheap supermarket giveaway:

It’s not just me thinks Dutch supermarkets are weird – here’s a vintage clip (you can tell it’s vintage cause he mentions guilders) of British comic John Fearley attempting to explain Albert Hein, in English, to the Dutch:

You see what I have to put up with? As much as I loathe Tesco’s attempts at world domination, every day I cross my fingers and wish for a local, wuppie-free and most of all reliable Tesco. Or even a Somerfield. Whatever, just somewhere where the assistants don’t alternately scowl and snarl at you and the veg don’t rot the minute you get them home and there’s milk and bread after lunchtime… and they open after 6.

But leaving Dutch supermarkets aside, because it makes me depressed, no visit to NL or Amsterdam would be complete without the obligatory nod to history.

We’re surrounded by history and people gawping at history and this time of year it gets particularly difficult. If only we could make historical tourism more user friendly….

So it’s back to Boom Chicago (who have) for the first bonus clip and -Anne Frank is Lonely Girl 1944:

Ooh, that’s mean, and very, very Dutch. Boom Chicago may be expats, but like me they’re being assimilated despite themselves.

For Make Glorious Fun Of Eurovision Song Contest

Published on May 15, 20073 Comments

I hadn’t bothered writing about Eurovision (this year’s winner was Serbia, watch here), a] because it’s been and gone and b] because Martin’s already done the political aspects But via Go Fug Yourself comes the news that the people behind Sasha Baron Cohen’s Borat film are to make Eurovision, The Movie:

“Borat” screenwriter Dan Mazer and History Boys producer Damian Jones have struck a deal with Working Title Films to make a comedy movie about the Eurovision Song Contest. Variety says the idea for Eurovision: The Movie was originated by Mazer and Jones, who will produce with Tim Bevan and Eric Fellner for Working Title.

OMFG, that I have to see.

Or do I? Do we really want to share Eurovision with the world, by which I mean America?

At the moment Eurovision has cult status in the US. GFY is American and Eurovision-crazy, and really, I sympathise; where else would you find such a glorious admixture of extreme camp, nationalistic fervour and political bloc voting? But I hope their campaign to bring Eurovision to US tv doesn’t gain any traction:

[…]

Just because we’re not invited to the party — just because we’re cursed with geographic undesirability — doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be allowed to press our flushed, thrilled faces against the window and gawk at the delicious theatrical, colorful, cross-dressing antics happening inside. Why, this year alone, the semi-finals featured sword-wielding backup dancers, male nudity, a rock opera called “Vampires are Alive,” and a man who started chucking his own underpants around the stage. And while many of us simply call that “Tuesday,” there are still loads of people for whom this is a glorious, intriguing novelty.

[…]

Clearly, we are missing out on this batshit marvel. CLEARLY, I need to be tireless with my campaign to bring Eurovision to our cable airwaves. It’s a giant, boozy orgy of camp — not to be confused with Orgy Camp, which is an entirely different kind of mischief — and I feel deprived that I can’t do more than view pictures or study grainy, stilted Internet video on my laptop.

So join me in my crusade, which so far consists entirely of wishing really, really hard that somebody in a position to make this dream come true would read either my blog or my mind.

While I understand the yearning of some USAnians to be allowed to view this annual sequined extravaganza, this war by other means, I hope US tv doesn’t pick it up, because that means they’ll want to join in. Please, please, please don’t let them ever join in. The bloc voting’s bad enough already.

Here’s a graphic from Waffle explaining how the Eurovision voting works:

If the USAnians joined in, we’d lose Terry Wogan and his increasingly pissed snark and gain, I dunno, Paula Abdul or someone equally vile. It would be dismal. Not only that, I think they’d misinterpret the spirit of the thing and enter a decent song, which would rather miss the point and worse still might even win.

So reluctantly, although I’d love to see what the Borat people make of Eurovision, I hope the movie doesn’t get made, or if it does it only gets an .eu release (using ‘Europe’ in its widest, most Eurovisual sense, as including Israel and Turkey).

Let USAnians boggle from afar at Europe’s greatest-ever cultural achievement and gnash their teeth in impotent envy. Eurovision is ours!

Oh Yeah?

Published on May 9, 2007

Jonathan Freedland was being ridiculously optimistic in the Guardian this morning:

A new book, Second Chance by Zbigniew Brzezinski, the cold war hawk who served as national security adviser to Jimmy Carter, includes a startling phrase. No leftist, Brzezinski detects what he calls a “global political awakening”, a stirring across much of the developing world, among those who are “conscious of social injustice to an unprecedented degree and resentful of its deprivations and lack of personal dignity”. Thanks to television and the internet, the global have-nots can now see all that the haves are enjoying at their expense. The hard-headed Brzezinski sniffs revolution in the air.

[…]

Is it possible that the Blair era of neoliberal certainty is coming to a close, that there are stirrings abroad that call for something else? Might there not be a demand for action, as there was when the last intolerable gap in wealth opened up nearly a century ago – a demand, in short, for a battle against inequality?

Dream on, Freedland. This is what happens when you plan to challenge the neoliberal status quo:

Hamburg – Hundreds of German police searched Wednesday the homes and offices of militants planning to protest against globalization at next month’s G8 summit on the Baltic coast. Federal prosecutors in Karlsruhe said they suspected 18 persons of terrorism. The inquiry is focussed on a series of petrol-bomb attacks over the past year on the offices, homes and cars of German officials in Berlin and Hamburg.

The raids, on 40 premises in northern Germany, were conducted by nearly 900 police.

The 18 had claimed responsibility under a variety of names for their bombings, prosecutors said.

Also under investigation were three persons identified as members of the separate Militant Groups (MG), a terrorist organization which had mounted two anti-G8 attacks, and 25 attacks on property in all since 2001.

Leftists accuse the Group of Eight (G8) nations of oppressing poor countries. They plan to disrupt the G8 summit to be hosted by German Chancellor Angela Merkel in the beach resort of Heiligendamm.

Police arrived at dawn at the Rote Flora, a building which functions as a headquarters for the German anarchist movement in the northern German city of Hamburg.

Prosecutors said the raids on the 18-person organization and MG were aimed at collecting documents and other evidence.

Among the targets of nine bomb attacks during 2006 was Thomas Mirow, state secretary of the finance ministry who lives in Hamburg, and there have been more attacks this year. Police have made no arrests so far.

The Rote Flora is the crumbling remnant of a 19th century theatre and was taken over by squatters in 1989.

The leftists now have a lease on the building, which has been at the focus of repeated clashes between rioters and the city-state’s riot police down the years.

Merkel has invited the leaders of the G7 nations and Russia to Heiligendamm, a high-class resort in sparsely populated countryside, to discuss world economic issues next month.

‘Leftist’ by whose definition? I note also that the arrested’ve been accused of terrorism – maybe I’m just dim, but I can’t find any reports on Google of a terrorist petrol bombing campaign carried out recently by leftists in Germany. Maybe someone can enlighten me?

I wonder how long it will take for all these people to be released with no charges against them. Not until conveniently after the G8, I expect.

Linky Linky

Published on May 8, 20072 Comments

I’m still not feeling very well still so here’s a bunch of interesting stuff to be going on with till I feel up to ranting at the world in my usual misanthropic way.

Just when you though the lolcats were over…. LOLBEES!

Food politics: is your butter-flavoured popcorn killing workers?

Hah. Wolfowitz guilty of ethics breach says World Bank panel

BOOM! Big bada-boom!

And while we’re on the subject of space; octogenarian astronomer and wingnut Sir Patrick Moore proves age is no bar to mysognynistic assholery, in the Telegraph:

On the subject of female newsreaders, he said: “These jokey women are not for me. Oh, for the good old days. “There was one day (in 2005) when BBC News went on strike. Then we had the headlines read by a man, talking the Queen’s English, reading the news impeccably. “I would like to see two independent wavelengths – one controlled by women, and one for us, controlled by men. I think it may eventually happen.”

He should stick to reporting on comets and cosmology, he knows bugger-all about anything else.

Aw, poor iddle wingnuts, they got up a nice shiny drum-beatin’, war-lovin’ online petition, with like, Instapundit and all, and those pesky liberals immediately came along and pissed on their bonfire. Until the lone alert winger on duty noticed and yanked the page of fictitious petition-supporting blogs much hilarity ensued,. Petty but fun. I wish there really were a blog called Grabthar’s Krauthammer.

Sky-fairy spotting: Jesus on a four-gig Samsung Flash memory chip. Looks more like HELLO, I”M BRIAN BLESSED! to me.

Shorter Times columnist Minette Marin – “Oh no, the Morlocks are coming!” In Blair’s ruinous legacy of beta children a posh Tory totty holds forth on those dreadful state school children. Why, the chav might rub off on Theo or Poppy, and that would never do! Cameron may be photogenic and’ve done well at the local elections but the Tories haven’t changed a bit, every one’s a Hyacinth Bucket.

Robbery is the mother of invention:Johannesburg robbers superglue naked man to exercise bike

Mitt Romney’s Guide To Europe: sounds about right to me, at least where provinicial NL’s concerned:

Page 76:
The Netherlands, Deventer –
The purple pipeweed is good and the ladies are babalicious at Garth’s Party On Cafe.

Bibliodyssey is like candy for the booklover – you can’t stop till you’ve eaten the whole bag. Here’s one of the illustrative plates of squid from the book The Voyages of the Corvette L’Astrolabe

Don’t start looking unless you’re willing to give up the rest of the day. Fantastic.

Bigots 1, CBS 0.

Merde.

Published on May 7, 2007

I’m really not feeling well today and not only that, I can’t bear the rejoicing of the UK and US media after their boy Sarko’s win in the French election. The public world is a better place without my presence today, so I’m taking the day off to lie around moaning in between bouts of swearing under my breath and kicking things. I can’t even look at that strutting little Napoleon without wanting to damage something.