In Which I Have Some Moral Qualms and Then Say Ah, What The Hell

I came across a hilarious collection of food essays from the North Star Writers Group – hilarious for all the wrong reasons – while idly googling for a recipe today. I did think of keeping it to myself as a personal treat, so beguiling is its dreadfulness; some sample titles:

Filo: Mankind’s Ticket to the Cosmos

and

Shatter Stability With Vegetables for Breakfast

But on the other hand I did think, that like the glorious McGonagle and Daisy Ashford , such inspired awfulness should be shared with the world.

But I didn’t want to appear to be deliberately holding someone up for public ridicule, although that is in effect what I would be doing. I’m one of those British hypocrites who can’t bear to think of themself as ever being unkind, though I frequently am.

Then Martin as usual cut through my wussy introspective crap and said, look, he’s put it on the internet, he wants people to read it, it’s all subjective and the feedback he gets is the feedback he gets. Besides, only a few people read this blog anyway, it’s not a very big public.

He’s right you know.Ah, what the hell. Enjoy.

Bacon News

You know how, bam bam bam, several internet things on one topic pop up one after the other? Being as I am aware of all internet traditions, I believe it’s known as a meme. First came news of the world’s first bacon-print, bacon scented tuxedo:

a snip, or should I say a rasher, at $99.95. I’d like it in a skirt, it’d drive our cats nuts.

But to be properly recursive, you’d have to wear it while eating the porcine equivalent of the turducken, Pig-Wrapped Pig-Stuffed Pig – mmmm, bacon with bacon and bacon – or better still,
bacon jerky:

I’m drooling at the thought of lovely intense crisp smoky bacon made even more concentratedly lovely, intense, crisp and smoky… Oh, what wouldn’t I give for a doorstep bacon sandwich dripping with butter and HP sauce and a mug of builders’ tea with 3 sugars right now.

However as I’m on a totally fatfree diet (can’t digest it) a bacon binge is out of the question. It’ll have to be boiled frankfurters instead.

Sometimes life is horribly unfair.

Sunday Morning Breakfast Read

The New York Times’ Sunday magazine big feature today is indeed a big read – it’s a 9-page letter on food and agricultural policy by Michael Pollan, author of The Omnivore’s Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals, addressed to the incoming US President

It’s a lot of blocktext for sleepy eyes to wake up to but stick with it: this big epistle makes absorbing if frightening reading:

…with a suddenness that has taken us all by surprise, the era of cheap and abundant food appears to be drawing to a close. What this means is that you, like so many other leaders through history, will find yourself confronting the fact — so easy to overlook these past few years — that the health of a nation’s food system is a critical issue of national security. Food is about to demand your attention.

The impact of the American food system on the rest of the world will have implications for your foreign and trade policies as well. In the past several months more than 30 nations have experienced food riots, and so far one government has fallen. Should high grain prices persist and shortages develop, you can expect to see the pendulum shift decisively away from free trade, at least in food. Nations that opened their markets to the global flood of cheap grain (under pressure from previous administrations as well as the World Bank and the I.M.F.) lost so many farmers that they now find their ability to feed their own populations hinges on decisions made in Washington (like your predecessor’s precipitous embrace of biofuels) and on Wall Street. They will now rush to rebuild their own agricultural sectors and then seek to protect them by erecting trade barriers. Expect to hear the phrases “food sovereignty” and “food security” on the lips of every foreign leader you meet.

Read whole thing

And what are Zimbabweans eating right now? Nothing, it seems. But the starving in Zimbabwe and Ethiopia and the Sudan are easy to ignore, as are food riots in the Phillipines and India; out of sight etc.

But food insecurity is getting closer to home all the time. I’ve been wondering what the hell the Icelanders are going to eat next year when much of their food is imported and they have no money to pay for it…

Who me, say ‘I told you so’? For the past few years I’ve been banging on about how horribly unprepared people are for the inevitable food shortages and poverty that will follow the world’s bigger nations’ disastrous policies.

I will be enjoying my coffee and bacon while I still can, but in the meantime I’m stockpiling oatmeal and potatoes and re-reading all my Marguerite Patten WWII cookbooks. Just in case.

Exclusive Photo Essay – A Shotgun Wedding

A nation is agog (or bored, take your pick) over the coming blessed nuptials between Bristol Palin, America’s Child Bride® and Levi whatsisname, America’s Redneck®.

It’s all been a bit hasty, but young Bristol’s rumoured to have already chosen the invitations :

the cake

the caterer

the limo service

the honeymoon venue

and last but not least….. the dress:

But no choice when it comes to the actual husband. That one’s up to Mom and the McCain campaign.

UPDATE: Awwww, look, don’t they look the very image of an ecstatically happy couple? Whatchamacallit even got a tattoo. Awwww.

Vheen Svedeesh Cheffs Etteck!

Hurdy bejurdy børk børk børk, this is a very weird story indeed.

It comes from The Local, Sweden’s news in English site:

Sabotage suspected in mass food poisoning

published: 26 Sep 08 09:43 CET

Sweden’s security service Säpo is investigating possible sabotage following an incident which left 140 people at the headquarters of Confederation of Swedish Enterprise (Svenskt Näringsliv) suffering from dysentery.

Five suffered symptoms so severe they were admitted to hospital.

The bacteria are most often spread via contaminated water and food, but an examination of the restaurant cafeteria failed to uncover the source of the outbreak.

So far no traces of the bacteria have uncovered from any of the several tests performed in the cafeteria’s kitchen.

[…]

According to the Metro newspaper, the group claiming responsibility for the attack is a left-leaning, internet-based forum which had previously staged demonstrations outside of the association’s headquarters. [My emphasis]

Security has been stepped at the restaurant and health authorities continue working to localize the sources of the outbreak through continued interviews with around 300 people who visited the eatery over several days.

Huh? What left leaning organisation? Who? Where? Since when do disposable daily freesheets have crack investigative reporters?

Something smells in Sweden, and not just the dysentery.