Eww, Eww, Ewww: Friday Night Food Blogging

This is the most disgusting recipe I’ve read in a very long time, worse even than that vile, vile wingnut pizza monstrosity Sadly, No featured a while ago.

From Norwegianity:

I sooooo have to serve these prize-winning tidbits at Chez Observer’s next cocktail party:

SPAM Taco wontons

Makes 36 to 48 wontons.
From Lynda Decker, winner of the Great American SPAM Championship.

• 1 (6-oz.) pkg. cream cheese, softened
• 1/2 c. sour cream
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 2 tbsp. sweet Vandalia onion, minced
• 2 tbsp. taco seasoning
• 1 (12-oz.) can SPAM with real Hormel Bacon, diced
• 1/2 c. Monterey Jack cheese, shredded
• 2 tbsp. Parmesan cheese, shredded
• 1 (16-oz.) pkg. wonton wrappers

Directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Combine all ingredients but wonton wrappers in a medium mixing bowl. Separate wonton wrappers and arrange one in each cup of a mini muffin tin. Scoop one tablespoon of SPAM mixture into formed cups. Dip fingers in water and run wet fingers along the edges of the wonton. Pinch sides together and twist top to form a sealed package. Bake for 10 to 12 minutes or until golden brown. Cool 10 minutes and serve as an appetizer.

Yummo! (Although it’s not entirely clear if the recipe won the prize or was developed by someone who won the prize in the past and is simply coasting on past glory in the Spam contest universe.)

I’ve always wondered about these back of the packet recipe contests – does anyone actually ever make the recipes, or is it just a paper exercise for both contestants and judges? I do hope so: I’ become quite nauseous when I imagine what hellish concoctions must’ve been discarded before Ms. Decker hit on the final version of that recipe.

I onder if Ms. decker is Lutheran? It’s been said that the worst recipes of all come from the Lutherans:

While the Catholic Church seeks to expand the size of its flock through unrestrained population growth, the Lutherans have chosen the strategy of expanding the size of individual churchgoers. Why put in one sort of cheese, when you could put in four? That seems to be the theory. This in addition to a block of butter and a good spray of Cheese Whiz.

Here, for example, is a recipe submitted by Edra Uecker of the Bigfork Lutheran Church in Bigfork, Minnesota, in which a quarter pound of Velveeta cheese is layered over a whole chicken, with “grated American cheese topping” then layered on top of the Velveeta. Cheese on cheese. They don’t call it Bigfork for nothing.

The same recipe, just in case you’re considering it for tonight’s dinner, also requires one can of cream of mushroom soup, one can of cream of celery soup, and one can of cream of chicken soup. Plus some milk and what is described as “1 small onion”.

That’ll be the vegetable course, then.

But even Lutherans, however devout or midwestern, would be hard-pressed to beat some of the sheer digustingnesses that the food companies come up with themselves. (Quick note: Braunschweiger is a type of spreadable liverwurst. Made of liver. Mostly.) This abomination comes from Kraft’s very own website, via Mrs Gypsy:

Braunschweiger Bagel Topper

4 oz. (1/2 of 8-oz. pkg.) OSCAR MAYER Braunschweiger
1/4 cup MIRACLE WHIP Dressing
1/4 cup TACO BELL HOME ORIGINALS Thick ‘N Chunky Salsa
1 tsp. GREY POUPON Dijon Mustard
3 cinnamon-raisin bagels (3 inch), halved, toasted
2 medium Gala apples, sliced

MIX braunschweiger, dressing, salsa and mustard until well blended.

SPREAD bagel halves evenly with the braunschweiger mixture.

TOP with the apple slices.

“…until well-blended”. Um.

Close your eyes. and just imagine, if you will, what that might look like. I’m seeing vomit, I’m seeing flecks of liver, I’m seeing little bits of carrots in a pinkish sludge…

Dinner’s ready!

Cheaper Health Insurance For Dutch Vegetarians

This‘ll be good news for my Dutch brother and sister in law, whose combined BMI (Body Mass Index, a measure of obesity) must be about 5, if that. When you look at the processed, deepfried crap that even Dutch vegetarians consume it’s odd they’re all so thin at all. It must be all the cheese.

[…]

The United States has the heaviest body mass index population over 30 on the planet, with 30.6%. With statistics like these, why is it that in America, vegetarians are not given a break when it comes to health insurance?

Uh…. because that would make the insurers less money? But do carry on.

The Netherlands, which has 10% of BMI over 30, is the first country where vegetarians get discount health insurance. This policy, VegePolis, has the motto that people who choose not to eat meat live a healthier lifestyle. The Netherlands is considering health insurance policies for nonsmokers and people who don’t smoke or drink. Niko Koffeman, an animal-rights activist and entrepreneur, believes that people with healthier lifestyles should be able to reap the financial benefits of it. This policy was introduced by Agis Zorgverzekeringen and Stichting PreventiePolis. Besides advantages in health insurance, members get 10% discounts on vegetarian dinners at restaurants affiliated with the Netherland’s vegetarian union. A portion of insurance revenues goes to animal welfare groups. With the healthcare issues in America along with health issues, it looks like Americans need to take note from the Netherlands. Although I’m not fond of the idea of spending 80% of the speaking time of all parties in parliament being dominated by the theme of animal rights to be copied in America, which has a world of other issues, I do believe that this should be a more popular topic, specifically in states like Michigan that find hunting season to be the joy of the year, yet another reason why I hated Marquette, Michigan so much during my undergraduate years.

Read more…

In the light of significantly higher prices for meat being expected as a result of the damage to fodder crops from the terrible summer weather and the fact that it’s to the point that I’m now on a no fat, no dairy, low wheat, low fibre, low protein, high salt, low potassium diiet and a rise in health insurance premiums is predicted, again, it may be time to look at vegetables in a new light. Plain bread, lean ham sandwiches, boiled sweets and bananas begin to pall after a while anyway. Oh, what I wouldn’t give for a giant steak and a buttered baked potato full of sour cream or a big cheese laden pizza, followed by several chocolate eclairs or even a whole croquembouche or sachertorte.

Can you make sachertorte from tofu?

[By the way I see that this report comes via Associated Content, a syndication service that purports to pay bloggers for content (which Associated Content then owns rights to). The way they use aspiring writers as an ad revenue farm is a story in itself.]

He Could’ve At Least Used Decent Beer.

Ananova:

One for the road

Student Jack Kirby drank 4,000 cans of lager and used the empties to build a car.

The life-size model 1965 Ford Mustang was finished yesterday after a three-year effort, reports the Daily Mirror.

Design student Jack, 23, downed a Budweiser four-pack every day. “It was hard work,” he said.

After a pause to admire his handiwork, Jack, who studies near his home in Hatfield, Hertfordshire, added: “I think I’ll have a couple of cans to celebrate.”

Budweiser said: “We would like to congratulate Jack on his efforts.”

There’s no word on whether the car actually works, or whether Budweiser will stump up for Kirby’s inevitable liver transplant.

Occasional Ceph Blogging: Squid Is For Lovers, Too

Mmmmm, yummy…. well, for certain values of yummy.

Chocolate Covered Squid – Valentine’s Day Candy From the Sea

What better way to say “I heart you” on Valentines Day then with chocolate covered squid?

I happened to be cooking some squid today and realized that in just a few simple steps I could make some really awesome and super romantic squid chocolates. It took only a minute to boil the squid and then just a few more minutes to coat them in a delicious spicy chocolate mixture. I actually ended up eating my seafood chocolates instead of giving them to my valentine, but its probably for the best, because I don’t think squid travel very well in the mail system.

More….

A Big Fat Profitable Meme

It’s serendipitous that this admittedly ‘well duh’ set of research results should pop up this week while the issue of singers’ weight is a big online topic: :

Ubiquitous pop videos may harm girls’ self-image

Ian Sample, science correspondent
Thursday May 31, 2007
The Guardian

Music videos are driving a wave of dissatisfaction among adolescent girls by promoting ultra-thin role models as the epitome of beauty, psychologists warn today.

Watching pop videos featuring thin, scantily clad women for just 10 minutes was enough to drive down girls’ satisfaction with their body shape, according to a study which appears in the journal Body Image.

Researchers fear the damage inflicted on the self-image of girls as they prepare to leave schools and sixth form colleges is widespread, given the near ubiquity of music videos on television and on big screens in clothes shops, cafes and bars.

Viewing figures for MTV have swelled to 342m worldwide, according the channel, and a survey in 1998 found that 12- to 19-year-olds were the most frequent viewers, watching on average for 6.4 hours a week.

But Helga Dittmar, a psychologist at Sussex University and leader of the latest study, said adolescents were likely to spend far more time watching music videos than the survey suggested. “Public places such as stores, bars and clubs increasingly display music videos on large TV screens, making them an inescapable, almost omnipresent form of media,” she said.

More….

Indeed they are omnipresent, even here in Amsterdam, which does at least keep a lid on the more blatant forms of public advertising; though we are forrced to watch ads on the trams, they’re not really of the music video type; more for sore arse ointment or real- estate agents.

But there are few fashion chainstores you can go into without an in your face dose of Christina, Pussycat Dolls or some identikit skeleton with inflated boobs, fake cheekbones, extensions and a spray-on tan gyrating over some German techno-trance monotony and there’s about to be an explosion of it all over, now that the Netherlands premier department store De Bijenkorf is getting in on the act.

“Introducing in-store television is a move towards the store of the future. It can be compared to the Internet 15 years ago, when not many people were exploiting it for commercial use. One of the really attractive features is the ability to develop our own content and programming.

“This means that we can produce content that is very specific to our needs and can be immediately tailored to reflect exactly our central and local marketing priorities.

“In fact, the ability to tailor content to reflect in-store initiatives, trends and promotions is central to the screens’ success.”

If you’re a teenager and want to keep up with your peers you can’t avoid it. I thought it was bad when I was young but the pressure teenagers are under now is horrendous, schoolgirls saving up from Saturday jobs for liposuction and so on.

Despite stating the bleeding obvious it’s still quite a timely report, considering the current furore about the perfectly normal, if tall (but then anyone is tall to me, being barely over five foot in a land of dairy-fed giants) winner of the latest US Pop Idol.

Some publicity-hungry suburban country club nonentity and one-member manufactured ‘pressure group’ that Fox picked up somewhere called Meme Roth called her ‘obese’. Obese. Really. Give me a break and get back to your obsessive jazzercise and mainlining aragula salad and ogling poolboys, you silly, silly woman. And ‘Meme’? What were her parents thinking? Let’s face it, when your name constantly reiterates your existence -‘me,me,me,me,me..’ – you’re bound to turn out a solipsistic narcissist.

But enjoyable cattiness aside, Ms Roth’s just another tool being used to create a sensation and push up Fox’s profile.

It’s Fox pushing this meme and Meme too. Owned by Rupert Murdoch’s News International, it’s a company that has much invested in media worldwide, not just the US. It promotes music videos, it makes money from them. Of course they want to influence them. To think otheriwse is to mistake the purpose of a corporation, which is to make money.

To us it’s about more than mere vanity and fashion; it’s about whether we can look in the mirror and loathe or accept ourselves for what we are.

To them it’s just about making a market. Handily it also gives a nice lot of traffic to other mass media outlets too, who profess outrage but who are still happily counting the hits. Their ad revenue goes up as well and everyone’s happy, excpet the girls and women who are left wondering why it is they don’t look ‘normal’.

Weight is a hot-button issue for almost all westernised women and there’s lots of ways to make money from that. Again we’ve fallen into the corporate trap and they’ve created a controversy to frame the discussion andmake money out of it. They got us going and coming. No wonder we hate ourselves.