Funny

Tis the season to be fundy, and the irrationality of the religious comes as no surprise wherever it’s found, whether in Texas or elsewhere:

Cheerleading bill leaves decency to eye of beholder

By KRISTEN MACK

Copyright 2005 Houston Chronicle

Exactly what constitutes a suggestive cheerleading routine was left to the imaginations of lawmakers this week after state Rep. Al Edwards declined to demonstrate the moves he wants to ban.

“We can’t describe it or demonstrate it,” said Edwards, D-Houston. “But we know it when we see it.”

Edwards’ bill would prohibit school dance, drill and cheerleading teams from performing in an “overtly sexually suggestive manner.”

The measure has gotten Edwards national attention, and Tuesday’s hearing before the Public Education Committee was at turns serious and ribald.

“I’m trying to get a feel for it,” said Rep. Rob Eissler, a Republican from the Woodlands with a propensity for puns and double-entendre, as he asked Edwards the extent of the suggestive cheerleading problem.

Edwards’ original bill called for a reduction of state funds to school districts that knowingly permit such performances.

But he filed a substitute in the committee requiring only that districts take appropriate action against dirty dancing, as determined by the district.

“You’re not taking away their money, you are just telling them to clean up their act,” said Kent Grusendorf, R-Arlington, the committee chairman.

Several people testified against the bill, including members of the Texas chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union, who said cheerleading and school dance instructors across the state are overwhelmingly opposed to the bill. They fear it could lead to selective prosecution.

Margeaux Goodfleisch, a senior at Austin’s Westlake High School, testified that Edwards’ bill was too subjective.

“How can you expect a hard-working team to have to sit out a year because they didn’t meet an imaginary standard during their dance?” she said.

The problem with the bill is that it does not define the conduct it regulates, said Rep. Rene Oliveira, D-Brownsville.

“There’s nothing to tell them what they can or can’t do. It’s got no teeth, no sanctions and no effect,” he said.

Edwards, however, said he still thinks his bill has a chance of passing out of committee and to a vote of the full House.

It was left pending Tuesday.

[My emphasis]

So basically what he’s saying is “If it gives me a big stiffy, it’s obscene.” Okaaay. He’d better get himself some blinders and one of those anti-masturbatory jobbies as well. He obviously can’t be trusted in possession of a penis at a high-school football game.

Let’s not just pick on Texas though, quick, dirty and gratifying release that it is. In India their own fundies are railing against another excess of the modern world:

Muslim clerics slam Koranic ringtones

‘Un-Islamic’ verses

By Lester Haines
Wednesday 22nd November 2006 10:42 GMT

Get Indian Muslim clerics have condemned the use of verses from the Koran as mobile ringtones, Yahoo! reports.

Mohammed Asumin Qazmi, an official at the Dar-ul Uloom seminary in the northern Indian town of Deoband, said the verses were “not meant for entertainment”, and declared that “anyone who persists in using these should be ostracized from society”.
The practice is said to be common among among Muslims in Uttar Pradesh, especially those in their mid 40s and 50s. Bank manager Faiz Siddaqui defended his Koranic ditty thus: “Whenever my phone rings, I hear these verses that stress the values of hard work and honesty, and I feel closer to my religion.”

Mufti Badru-Hasan, a leading cleric in Uttar Pradesh capital of Lucknow, was having none of it: “One should hear the complete verse of the Koran with a pious mind and in silence. If it is used as a ringtone, a person is bound to switch on the mobile, thus truncating the verse halfway. This is an un-Islamic act.” ?

Bugger un-Islamic – it’s just horribly bad-mannered.

Destruction to all ringtones that aren’t just a muted beep or ring, and ostracisation from society to all nubile young cheerleaders who inadvertently give sad middle-aged men a hard-on! It’s what any all-knowing benevolent deity would want.

Read more: Fundies do the darndest things