On The Lam

Rowwr!

Re-entry, to the sounds of rain and hammering… election, what election? Is something happening? Sod that, we’ve got a kitchen to build!

Sorry for the sudden drop in posting, but we had to unexpectedly decamp to (what were supposed to be) warmer climes as the builders moved in the boiler went out and the heating and hot water went off.

It was bad enough manoeuvring 2 wriggling catboxes and our bags and baggage on and off high-stepped, double-decker Dutch trains, if only I hadn’t only a day later then managed to let our Hector escape into the scary midnight wilds of Zeeland, not to be seen again for three days.

It never occurred to me that a three-legged cat would make it down several flights of vertiginous, typically Dutch stairs, bumpety bumpety bump, without going totally arse over tip and landing in a tangled heap at the bottom.

I was wrong.

The trouble is, all horribly howling cats look the same in the dark and what I’d thought it was the resident deaf cat doing her usual midnight howl with a bit more gusto than usual was actually a horribly intestinally clenched Hector, determined to do his business in the proper outside and none of your namby namby litter tray business; that’s for girls. Once in the big outside the tempting scent of many tiny, nervous mammals went straight to his head and it was no more Mister Sleek City Cat, hello Hector, King of The Mighty Jungle!

So much for the brief, relaxing break we’d hoped for – instead, we got three days tramping the hedgerows and back gardens of a small market town in the south Netherlands, getting drenched and chilled through to the bone, looking for a cat who was having a very nice time thank you playing the mighty hunter, and who didn’t want to be found at all but only to miaow pathetically now and then from some inaccesssible spot so that we wouldn’t know how much fun he was having.

Glad he did. We had no fun at all. [Point of order: may I also note at this point that it really is bad manners and somewhat insensitive to continually complain like a fretful child (although you are 28) to someone who has a terminal illness, that you have one tiny degree of temperature and a bit of a sore throat?]

Nevertheless, chilled to the bone, exhausted and irritated beyond endurance as I have been, it’s as good a way as any to spend the run up to a presidential election. Better than listening to overpaid and overexposed pundits getting increasingly, nonsensically hysterical.

I should be thankful that at least I’ve been mostly spared the BBC’s Justin Webb, who’s all over the airwaves this morning desperately fighting to have McCain taken seriously, as if he can win now in any other way except by poll interference, a rearguard legal action a la Florida 2000 or the sudden appearance of a barking mad ‘lone wolf’ with a rifle.

You can hear the Republican talking points for the day echoed in Webb’s reports, just as loudly as he must be hearing the echoes of his career as Washington’s foremost British media suckup going down the tubes the closer that Obama’s election gets.

Hmm, I wonder how much of Webb continuing to assure viewers that McCain can still win (despite all evidence to the contrary) we’ll get on tonight’s overnight BBC election coverage?

One thing’s certain, there’ll be no shortage of rubbish spoken by all concerned: even without Webb, the BBC’s election commentary’s has become even more asinine now Lewis Hamilton is the World Formula 1 champion.

Potted R4 Today programme: “Obama is the new Lewis Hamilton! Hamilton is the new Obama! Look, they’re both black! That means something doesn’t it? Not sure what, but we’ll say it anyway!”

Oh God, I just had a horrible thought: once the results are in, how long before Campaign 2012 starts and the speculation over Palin’s potential presidential candidacy begins? I give it less than 24 hours.

I can’t stand it. I think I’d rather go back to the rain and the wet.

Happy Birthday To Me

It’s my birthday today and it’s a lovely crisp sunny day, so we’re off into town to buy my present, have lunch somewhere nice and generally soak up the sunny autumnal Amsterdam ambience – which, since it’s my birthday means finding a nice canalside cafe or coffeeshop and spending the afternoon comfortably reading in the sun, drinking coffee, smoking, admiring my new boots and generally watching the world go by while making bitchy little comments about people’s clothes from behind my hand.

My ideal birthday treat would be to go down the Marianas trench in a submersible, but it’s a bit expensive. It’s a good job I’m so easily pleased.

The Future’s Not So Bright But At Least It’s Oranje

Sorry about the terse posting lately; despite the avalanche of fast breaking political news I’ve been more than a little self absorbed, because I’m waiting to hear the results of blood tests. As long time readers will know I’ve been quite ill for a long time and I need a kidney transplant. These tests will show whether I can absorb the anti-rejection drugs or not. If not (which is a distinct possibility given my medical history) there’s no transplant, so as you can imagine the results are pretty crucial. I’m stressing a bit.

I lie. I’m stressing a lot.

That this is going on against a background of spiralling global economic political and social chaos and a general feeling that it’s all spinning horribly out of control is not helping, dammit. What do you mean, solipsistic? Of course the whole world’s naturally arranged around my own personal affairs…

We’ve been lucky so far with the credit crunch but we’re no more secure than anyone else, and because of my health we’re a little more insecure than most. At the moment the economic crisis is not an immediate threat (one of the upsides of bank mergers is the need to merge IT systems) though of course that could change at any moment; however, I think we’re as well prepared as anyone can hope to be. Which is to say not really.

What it’s actually boiling down to for me on a personal level right now, as it is for so many others, is insomnia and rabid anxiety. Sitting in the dark, wondering with sick dread what will happen next -will our health insurance company fold? What about the mortgage? What about the bank – shall I take out all the loose cash and hide it? Shit – what if the hospital has its funds in Iceland? But most of all, like every parent ever, I worry about my kids. What will happen to them? No generation can hope to know the future they bequeath to their kids; they can only do their best and hope, but we’ve done much, much less than our best and the future we’re giving our kids is potentially no future at all.

Because the future is here already. We’re in it now. This is it. We made it, aren’t you proud? Every trope of dystopian speculative fiction, every grimy Ridley Scott image and mad Gilliam fantasy is coming true – just look around. Political balkanisation, religious schism-driven conflicts, financial fractures, mass debt peonage and slavery, permanent war and the emergence of an an ultra rich, oppressive global elite – it’s all there. We’re using fiction as a handbook, not as entertainment.

It comes as no surprise that many of the foremost proponents of waterboarding are ’24’ fans; neither is it surprising that wingnuts are into transhumanism or that they love Arnie in The Terminator; nor is it a coincidence that Joe Haldeman’s ‘The Forever War’ is about to made into a movie. Art reflects life and vice versa, egg, chicken, chicken, egg…. Such are the trite observations one’s led into at 3am.

But I know all this meandering is just so much displacement; what I’m really worried about is dying. Not the actual dying itself – it’s a wonder I’m still here as it is, having so very nearly shuttled off this mortal coil so many times before through cancer and heart failure and what have you. I take a licking but I keep on ticking, but even I’ll have to go at some point. (The doctors writing ‘terminal kidney failure’ on all my test forms might also have given me a clue.)

No: what I’m concerned about is not death itself but how long will it be, and when and where. I want some certainty; what happens if I do this or what happens if I do that? A person needs to make plans. However, trying to pin down Dutch doctors is like nailing jelly to a wall. No-one will make a decision, everything’s by consensus, no one’s ever definite about anything. There are no guarantees about anything, I know, but I would like some sense of the odds, at least.

It boils down to this: if I don’t have a transplant, I’ll die, either slowly as a prisoner of dialysis machines or more quickly of kidney failure if I can’t have dialysis (which is also a possibility given my medical history). Even a transplant itself, should it be possible, is not a miracle cure; were I to survive big surgery again and the kidney not be rejected, it would nevertheless mean a short lifetime of strict adherence to medical protocols and a rigid treatment regime, and the ever-present possibility of infection and/or rejection at any point thereafter, this in addition to potentially fatal preexisting conditions. So if I do have a transplant I’ll die, just less soon and with more hassle.

Not a good place to be in a world falling apart, if indeed that’s what’s happening, though it’s certainly how it looks from the perspective of a cold and dark autumnal early morning.

But at least I do have choices. For the moment all my medical care, prescriptions, surgery and hospital costs are all covered by insurance that’s still reasonably priced. For a sick woman I’m probably one of the most privileged there is; I have access to clean water, adequate food, power and good medical care. Millions don’t, even in what passes for the developed world; looked at rationally I haven’t really got anything to complain about.

Also, this being Holland I have the option, should I wish it, to make the choice to leave the world at a time and by a method of my own choosing. That’s something that gives me an enormous amount of comfort. But sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof; it’s not a consideration yet. But until I get those test results, or at least some certainty of sorts, I’ll be awake at 3am again and again, and millions of others with me. They need certainty too, if for different reasons.

Edited slightly 18/10 for grammatical sense and speeling. Any remaining mistakes just go to show my illiteracy.

A Bit of A Cock-Up On The Existentialist Front

I’ve been thinking of changing my nom de blog for quite a while; it really is a bit of a cheek to be pontificating on the internet under a name of a nation you have no connection with other than besottedness with its wildlife.

It came about in 2003 as a joke in a comment thread at the late lamented News Blog, a riff on Bush’s long forgotten quip ‘You forgot Poland’ – because of course they also forgot Palau, which was also a member of the ‘coalition of the willing’. Somebody had to speak up for plucky Palau…and it stuck.

I’ve been fancing a change anyway, what with 7-ish year blog itch, and I’m open to suggestions as to a new monicker, but keep it clean please, and at least a little bit suitable. Something SFnal would be nice. (None of this of course has nothing at all to do with an address at ocianiatv.palaunet.com turning up in the blogstats and me being rumbled, oh no…)

I’m leaning towards ‘Marie Of Roumania’ but I feel it might also be open to charges of misappropriation, even though she is decidedly dead. It’s also a bit lengthy to keep typing and has probably already been used by 20,000 other middle-aged women who like Dorothy Parker.

Much easier would be ‘Pilau’, the tasty rice dish, which would have the advantage of needing only the substitution of another vowel to effect a total change in meaning.

But there’s also the blog’s title too; when we started, the word ‘progressive’ was by no means mainstream and the liberal blogosphere had yet to explode and go corporately massive. Until around 2005-6 we could still do a daily digest of the best of progressive and left writing online on the transatlantic web and yet still be reasonably comprehensive.

But not now: put ‘progressive political blogs’ into technorati and it brings back umpteen zillion results. To be still be calling ourselves ‘Progressive Gold’ now seems more than a tiny bit vainglorious.

Then again, that’s the name all our links and pagerankings are in. What to do? Discard a blog identity that no longer fits (IMHO, Martin may feel differently) and start all over again, or keep flogging something that no longer does what it says on the tin?

Word, Tommy-Jeff

Courtesy of a commenter at Digby’s comes this quote:

If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that grow up around them will deprive the people of their property until their children will wake up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered.

–Thomas Jefferson

Quite.