Morals On Sunday: It’s The Hypocrisy, Stupid

The fact that politicians frequent prostitutes wouldn’t even be a scandal if their own hypocrisy didn’t make it so. Personally I don’t give a damn about politicians’ (non-illegal) personal proclivities except in the mildly prurient, nosy way that we all, despite our protestations, secretly do, but this sex scandal’s not about sex so much as the public exposure of the moral hypocrisy of the Bush administration and of Washington culture.

The demise of a call-girl ring and pending trial of an alleged madam claiming thousands of clients has the US capital riveted by the chance powerful men may now be caught with their trousers down, with a senior state department official apparently first to fall.

Deborah Jeane Palfrey, 50, dubbed the DC Madam in local media, has been arraigned in federal court on charges of operating a Washington prostitution service for 13 years until her retirement in 2006.

This is going to run and run and I shall quite openly enjoy every moment. Part of that enjoyment will be watching the religious right twist themselves into theological and rhetorical knots trying to excuse exposed Republicans. Hmm. I wonder how long it’ll be before lots of loyal Bushies mysteriously start pre-emptively checking into rehab and finding Jesus?

There’s 10,000 prominent DC men’s names to come, all said to have been clients of the escort service and Condi’s deputy Randall Tobias – “she loves him, the president loves him” – resigned on Friday.

Expect to see lots more stories like this from Think Progress :

Official Caught Using Escort Service Demanded Anti-Prostitution ‘Loyalty Oaths’

Former U.S. AID director Randall Tobias, who resigned yesterday upon admitting that he frequented a Washington escort service, oversaw a controversial policy advocated by the religious right that required any US-based group receiving anti-AIDS funds to take an anti-prostitution “loyalty oath.”

Aid groups bitterly opposed the policy, charging that it “was so broad — and applied even to their private funds — that it would obstruct their outreach to sex workers who are at high risk of transmitting the AIDS virus.” But President Bush wouldn’t budge. He signed a 2003 National Security Presidential Directive saying prostitution “and related activities” were “inherently harmful and dehumanizing.”

Several groups and countries had their funding cut due to the policy. Brazil lost $40 million for “one of its most successful anti-AIDS strategies, persuading sex workers to use condoms or other measures to stop spreading the disease.”

During an “Ask the White House” online chat in 2004, Tobias defended the policy, saying the U.S. was “partnering with communities” to begin “fighting sex trafficking and prostitution, while still serving victims of these activities.” Tobias added that he was overseeing several “highly successful” relationship programs “aimed at men and boys to help them develop healthy relationships with women.”

A truly inspired idea, having someone who pays for “gals come over to the condo to give me a massage” run programs on developing “healthy relationships with women.”

And this is just one of the many hypocritical wingnuts in high positions about to be exposed. The Heritage Foundation and the Hudson Insitute had better start taking on admin staff to deal with the massive influx of wingnut welfare applications they’ll be getting….

Behind The Meat Curtains

Wingnut blogger and favourite target of those Sadly Nosian scamps, Ace O’ Spades, is the cause of much current hilarity at liberal US blogs for his take on a lame satrical newpaper article on how to tell if your husband is secretly gay.

Considering this is a man who describes the female pudenda as having been designed by HR Geiger using play-doh and bacon, he’s got off fairly lightly.

Ace’s form of anatomical ignorance is admittedly creative, but bacon? Really? Everybody knows that the female genitals resemble nothing so much as a corned beef explosion. His description doiesn’t even have the sheer poetic chops of ‘meat pocket’. Now this might lead one to think that Ace might not be entirely familiar with female bodily geography and might even find it somewhat scary… That’s fine, but he insists HE IS NOT TEH GAY.

But of course not. Just because of a total fear of scary vaginas with teeth? Why ever would one think that he might be TEH GAY?

Indeed, far from being so, the undoubtedly studly Mr Ace has all sorts of problems with those pesky, pesky chicks, as he makes sure to tell us:

… are you one of those One Week Wonder sort of chicks who will lure me in with lots of sex when we start dating and then lose virtually all initiative and enthusiasm by day eight?

Hmm. You know that just might have something to do with his misperception of the human vulva as a bacon and playdoh sandwich with teeth. I’ve not yet known a woman who actually wants her pussy covered in HP sauce, made into a child’s clay teapot or given a dental checkup. Though there’s still time..

And his girlfriends only lost interest by day eight? And the rest. Try day one, hour one – minute one, even. That I can believe.

The protestations of complete and utter non-gayness, on the other hand, I find slightly less plausible, given that he can’t even tell his corned beef curtains from his pork sword.

[Meat curtains and other meaty items here.]

A Natural Republican

Could this goatherd be related to The Virgin Ben? I think we should be told….

Ananova:

Lonely goat herd, 116

A 116-year-old Ukrainian goat herd claims his long life is down to never having had sex with a woman.

Grigoriy Nestor, from the village of Stariy Yarichev, close to capital Kiev, said: “According to my Christian beliefs there is no sex before marriage, so I never had a wife.

“People that were not married like me live longer. People who get married just argue all the time, and that’s not good for your health.

“I believe that’s why I have lived so long, that and the fact I have never been curious.

“People who know too much always come to a nasty end. Better to stay stupid and not wonder too much about anything.”

He told local newspaper Komsomolskaya Pravda he had only been to school twice when he had visited his local primary school for two days and learned to write his name.

He added: “The less you know, the longer you live. Ignorance is long life and happiness.”

His entire life has been spent tending his goats, he said.

[My emphasis]

Aha, I think the Republicans just found their new presidential campaign slogan.

“I’m On Ur HD Poppin UR Cherry”

I know a fair few geeks (looks across the room) and I’ve often thought this was a gap in the market; but leave it to the Dutch to spot the commercial potential:

The Register:

Dutch escort agency to service geek virgins
‘A lot of demand’ from IT sector
By Lester Haines
Published Friday 20th April 2007 13:22 GMT

God alone knows it’s going to be difficult, but we promise we will keep an absolutely straight face as we report that Dutch escort agency Society Service has set up a special service for geek virgins looking for that elusive first sexual encounter.

Sociology student Zoe Vialet set up the agency last year, Ananova reports, and admits she’s had “a lot of demand from virgins” – most of them from the IT sector. She explained to De Telegraaf: “They are very sweet but are afraid of seeking contact with other people. They mean it very well but are very scared.”

Zoe has a crack team of five girls “specially trained” to pop geeks’ cherries. However, those readers tempted to avail themselves of their charms are warned it’s not just a case of stump up the cash, insert your floppy in the drive, eject and then off for a pizza.

Au contraire, you’ll be expected to hone your skills over a extended period, as Vialet insisted: “Every booking lasts three hours minimum. Longer is possible, shorter not. We take the time to take a bath together, do a massage and explore each others body. When the date is over, you will have had a fantastic experience, and you will be able to pleasure a woman.”

And just in case you thought you might just try and get a real squeeze for a bit of mutual body-exploration, think again. Vialet warned: “You better practise before having a girlfriend. Woman expect men older than 30 having had some experience. Some men need a little bit of help. But it makes them happy and they are glowing .There is nothing more terrible than dying as a virgin.” ®

Attack Of The Mystery Gusset Typist

The Register:

Masturbating woman shakes Michigan Uni frat house
Bushwhacking intruder makes herself right at home
By Lester Haines ? More by this author
Published Monday 2nd April 2007 15:10 GMT

A Michigan University frat house will throw out two couches tainted by a mystery masturbating female intruder who used the furniture for an extended public self-pleasuring session, The Michigan Daily reports.

The woman in question simply walked into Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity house “without permission” last Thursday, “entered the house’s living room, took off her clothes and started masturbating”, according to shaken frat president Dan Nye.

Shocked frat members “asked the woman to leave the house, but she refused and continued masturbating for about half an hour”. When pressed as to whether she felt ok, the beaver-petting stranger “casually replied that she was fine” and even made a quick call on her mobile phone while tickling the taco.

Frat members eventually called police, who arrived just after the bushwhacking stranger had made good her escape “wearing only a thigh-length black coat”. The subsequent police report said the woman had told witneses she was called Melissa and was a student at Eastern Michigan University. She “appeared to be under the influence of drugs”, the report notes.

Nye concluded: “Obviously, she was very disturbed. It was not how a normal person would respond to people.” .

Now if it had been the U of Wisconsin I might’ve hazarded a guess at the intruder’s identity.

But why are the sofas tainted? Is it because she leaked, or do they just have invisible woman-wank cooties on them?