UK politics

When Alex Nunns, a campaigner wanting to keep the NHS public, was offered a job with a private healthcare company, he of course sent in his application. Some highlights:

You should play to your strengths. Care UK is a true pioneer in this privatisation drive. You were the first private company to run a GP surgery in Dagenham back in 2006. And the first to face enforcement action from the Healthcare Commission because of slack hygiene procedures at the Sussex Orthopaedic Treatment Centre in 2008. And who’s to say you weren’t the first to forget to process 6,000 x-rays at your ‘urgent’ care centre in North-West London in 2012? As a Mediocre Relations Executive, I would advise not mentioning those last two.

If there’s just one thing that Care UK knows how to do – and there is – it’s take money from the state. I would make a bigger deal of the fact that 96 percent of Care UK’s revenue comes from the NHS. That’s the kind of solid base that any company would envy – taxpayers’ money, minimal risk, easy profits. So shout about it! It shouldn’t just be left-wing NHS obsessives who hear about this stuff.

Take the Barlborough Treatment Centre. It’s a complicated story, but in the hands of a good Media Relations Excretion it can be turned into a wonderful example of the company’s strengths. First, Care UK was paid £21.9 million over five years to do orthopaedic surgery – hip and knee replacements, that kind of thing – but you only did £15.1 million worth of work. (The local NHS Medical Director saw the trick, complaining: “The problem we have got is that they cherry-pick; they don’t take any patients with complicated conditions”. I guess the joke’s on him.) The NHS eventually realised it was getting a bad deal, and things weren’t looking good for Care UK. But then the NHS bought the treatment centre from you for £8.2 million, a lovely gesture. And finally the NHS signed a new 30 year contract to run the centre with… Care UK! (As an aside, it is important from a media management perspective not to spoil this tale of triumph-from-the-jaws-of-lucrative-defeat with any reference to the several lawsuits brought by local patients claiming that their surgery went wrong.)

It’s been the wettest April on record in Britain, yet large parts of the country still have drought warnings and hosepipe bans. How is that possible? Could it just be that the water companies have been selling off reservoirs:

Gary Smith, GMB National Secretary for Water, accused Thames Water of “mismanagement” of the south-east of England’s water supplies.

He said: “It is simple mismanagement. A major city like London has run out of water twice in the space of five years. Thames Water must recognise that this is dismal water management in a country that is filled with water.

Its analysis found that 25 “bulk water storage facilities” in the south-east closed since the 1980s, including sites at Stoke Newington, Hornsey and Barnes.

That’s what you get when companies are allowed to profit from a necessity of life.