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But I’m listening to ISIHAC and Tim Brooke -Taylor mangling Hit Me Baby One More Time on Radio 7 online, from way back when Britney was still a professional virgin, so it seems appropriate to commemorate the occasion somehow.

How better than by posting Fed-ex’s hilarious list of ridiculously inflated backstage demands?

Via The Superficial, from Smoking Gun :

Actually, as riders go that one seems rather modest, especuially when you look at the exercise in sheer unadulterated piggish gluttony that is Mariah Carey’s list of demands. It’s the fact that Federline made any demands at all, having had to give away tickets to his dreadful rap concerts and havingsold 6 only 500 albums that’s so funny.

Well, that and the fact he thinks he’s incredibly hot when actually he’s about as sexually arousing as finding a leech inside your wellington boots (don’t ask, it’s a personal phobia). Oh yes, and that he doesn’t realise that flashy jewellery goes down in value once you’ve bought it (goes double if it was K-fed himself that chose it), or that he thinks the critics are out to get him when even a tone-deaf banshee can hear that he’s shit. Or that his allegedly hiphop slang is always hair-clenchingly, butt-cringingly, embarassingly off.

Federline is now making threats to pursue custody of his children with Britney and is trying to claim some of her money, despite an existing prenup and existing children he seems not to care much about. You just know he’s a man riding for a terrible fall, in court itself and in the court of public opinion – but he seems totally oblivious to what every bugger in the world can see but him.

The funny thing is that Britney must’ve known how untalented he is all along, because she at least can carry a tune and must have a modicum of musical ability. Yet she seems not to have tried to disabuse him of the notion he has talent – rather the reverse. That suggests she may be harbouring hidden depths of acting talent that may yet prove Oscar-worthy.

Maybe she’s actually much much cleverer than everyone supposed and this whole encouraging his career thing was a clever psychological ploy – give him enough rope to hang himself with his own ego, as it were, and thus save herself the expense of PR during the split. There’s no need to try and make your ex look bad when he can do it all by himself, is there?

I wonder if a lot of women, like me, are quietly enjoying his plight, having had to deal with the blowback from narcissistic, greedy and irresponsible assholes in our own lives. Federline is a sort of Everyasshole for our times, someone we can project the proxy punishments onto that we know those assholes will never get. In seeing ‘K-Fed’ humbled, a little metaphorical justice is done to all women.

My lord, what have I done? I’ve just successfully argued that Britney Spears is a feminist icon. Quick, fetch my smelling salts, I’m going to lie down for a while.

Read more: Britney, K-Fed, Celebrity gossip, Unlikely feminists