Don’t worry, this post is safe for work, if a bit scatological, but at least that title’ll get the hitcounts up…
One thing I’ve always disliked about the Netherlands is the toilets. Don’t get me wrong, they’re perfectly clean and comfortable, but they are a bit weird. How to put this nicely… well, there’s this little shelf thing where certain unnamed odorous substances rest after relief is obtained. If you get my drift.
Until such time as you flush the toilet it stays there, stinking. None of this tidy, straight into the bowl business. No, the average cloggie likes to inspect their production and check that it is, shall we say, satisfactory and a little viewing platform is thoughtfully provided for this purpose. This freaks out tourists no end, especially hygiene-concious Americans:
The on-street urinals are a bit disconcerting too:
Just wait till the weekends, when the temporary urinals pop up everywhere in town, for the drunks who’d otherwise piss on the streets. Not that that stops them doing it anyway, Amsterdam streets simply reek of man pee. Guys pissing in public is a human right or something.
There are some good things about Dutch loos though, and one thing that never fails to delight and entertain me in equal measure is the self-cleaning toilet:
Although Dutch toilets are very clean on the whole, one thing does totally knock me sick. When you hand over your twenty-odd cents to the attendant, she offers you candy from another saucer that’s been helped from by previous toilet users, not all of whom have necessarily washed their hands…
Also a definite exception to the clean and comfortable rule is the Dutch train toilet, which ranges from disgusting to fly-ridden pit of stinking filth and flushes straight onto the tracks. Don’t look if you have a weak stomach.
But of course there’d be no Dutch humour at all without some of the more aesthetically unpleasant bodily functions. So how better to finish a brief essay on NL bathrooms than with this short lesson on Dutch farting etiquette. (Bonus cloggie continuing education points for spotting the classic sitting-in-a circle birthday party formation).
That’ll be twenty cents in the saucer please – and here, have an e.colibonbon on me. Tot ziens!