Wingnuts – Page 46

“Look, I’m strokin’ my wiener.” “Huh huh heh huh hunh”

Published on February 5, 2007

Freeper Trek

Thanks, of a sort, go to Hairy Fish Nuts for finding this, thing.

What it is exactly in terms of literary form I’m not sure, it’s too bad to be fanfic even, but it involves Star Trek, Vince Foster and Hillary Clinton.

I can see the guy who wrote it in my mind’s eye and it’s really not a pretty sight. I wish I’d never read it but since I have I see no reason why the misery shouldn’t be spread around a little.

Captain, over here.

What is it, Spock?

This paper, it has two headlines. Most interesting.

Why is that?

Well, the first headline shows Mr. Gore being nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize–that was, Captain, supposedly the instrument to encourage the people of the world to pursue peaceful aims rather than arming countries and destroying humanity–with the award for his work in pointing out the dangers of global warming.

What about the other headline?

Ah, the one where this lady named Hillery…

Didn’t she become the first woman President of the United States?

Yes, you’re quite right Captain. She was also the person with the shortest Administration ever.

If I understand my history right, Spock, she was impeached and convicted within three weeks of assuming office.

Yes, Captain, quite correct. It seems that her first official act was withdrawing American forces from a country called Iraq. Upon the announcement, January 21, 2009, if I recall your planet’s history correctly, armed elements of a group calling itself Al Qa’eda attacked this place destroying the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, and something called Yankee Stadium. They also assaulted places in the capital of this country. All that took place on January 25, 2009. Seems the American Congress didn’t buy her explanation that it was all just a misunderstanding.

Spock, how is it that a race as intelligent as this one seems to be–after all, they put men into space and have gone to the deepest parts of the ocean, and are well on their way to harnessing the power of the computer–elect such a woman as that? Surely they could see the disaster coming.

Sir, I would like to suggest that the population of the time seemed to be more focused on saving their villages rather than their country. They were hooked into voting for someone who history has shown was cupable in the murder of Vince Foster, and cannot even keep track of the billing records of her own law firm.

Well, then, Mr. Spock, what do you suppose our chances of finding intelligent life are on this planet at this time.

I really have not had the chance to validate all the permutations, Captain, but I would estimate the odds at being approximately four hundred thirteen million, two hundred sixty-four thousand, three hundred and six to one.

[…]

You could read on – there are comments too. But I’m guessing that unlike me, you’ve got more sense.

Britain’s Very Own Newt Gingrich

Published on January 30, 2007

It’s true, being a Conservative makes you a prick, whatever your nationality:

Tories support MP who had affair

Mr Gray has been North Wilts MP since 1997

James Gray, a Conservative MP who cheated on his wife, was reselected as constituency candidate on Tuesday.

In a ballot of the North Wiltshire Conservative Association, the 52-year-old received the backing of the party members.

He had called for voters to judge him on his record of constituency work.

The father-of-three admitted having an affair while his wife, Sarah, 51, was being treated for breast cancer. They are now divorcing.

[…]

It gets even nastier when you look at at the background.

The cancer-stricken wife of a Tory MP who left her for another woman has launched a devastating attack on her husband for publicly belittling her fight against the disease.

Sarah Gray, the wife of Wiltshire North MP James Gray, has written to David Cameron saying she is ‘deeply hurt’ by her husband’s behaviour since he left her for married mother-of-three Philippa Mayo, a fellow foxhunting supporter.

Mrs Gray claims her husband ‘undermined’ her cancer ordeal by claiming she merely had treatment for ‘pre-cancerous cells’.

“I cannot ignore the slight he has dealt me,” she told the Conservative leader. “It only serves to show the lack of understanding he had of the physical and psychological effects of the cancer.”

The row erupted following a Mail on Sunday article two weeks ago that revealed that 51-year-old Mrs Gray was considering taking work as a cleaner to make ends meet after their acrimonious break-up.

The MP lodged a complaint about the report with the newspaper industry watchdog, denying his wife was ‘cancer-stricken’ when he left her -but it was his decision to post the letter of complaint on the Conservative Home website that caused further upset to his wife.

Mrs Gray has now also complained to the Press Complaints Commission, objecting to the way her husband made ‘personal statements about me without my permission, many of which I disagree with’. A copy of her letter was also sent to Mr Cameron, local Tory officials and friends

[…]

“He misunderstands what I went through,” she said. “He talks of “pre-cancerous cells”, but re-reading my surgeon’s letters, the words “pre-cancerous” do not appear. “Invasive ductal carcinoma”, “three breast cancers”, “bilateral mastectomy” do appear.

“I do not think that the NHS would have given me two operations, two MRI scans, six courses of chemotherapy and 30 sessions of radiotherapy and now treatment for lymphoedema for nothing.”

Far from playing down her cancer, Mrs Gray claims her husband did the precise opposite at the last Election when he was fighting to hold on to his marginal seat.

“James did ask an audience to pray for me during the Election campaign in 2005,” she says:

“This was the first time he used my illness without my permission. It generated a lot of Press interest. I also postponed my operation for a week as it clashed with Election Day. James must not make light of my illness.”

She describes the way she fought her cancer aided by the couple’s three children as well as the ‘amazing’ team at Bath’s Royal United Hospital and a Haven Trust support centre in Fulham, West London.

She added that she supported her husband’s political career as well as maintaining her family responsibilities despite her health problems.

“In all my varied roles, I kept the show on the road. I cooked for and hosted James’s political supper club for 35 people a week after my last chemotherapy for “pre-cancerous cells”,’ she says bitterly.

“It has been a difficult few months and now James has thrust the issue of my cancer into the spotlight again.”

[…]

But Mrs Gray is not alone in criticising her husband’s conduct. Mrs Mayo’s husband, a 43-year-old criminal barrister, was distraught when he found out his 41-year-old wife was cheating on him and told the MP he was ‘not fit for office’.

Mr Gray declined to comment.

Well he would, wouldn’t he?

It tells you all you need to know about the actual truth of David Cameron’s new ‘kinder gentler’ Tories when they reselect a man like this to represent them.

Jews have fundie nutters too

Published on January 27, 2007

See?

The clothes that were set on fire during the demonstration were collected by a haredi organization in the past few months in a door-to-door campaign held in haredi neighborhoods in Jerusalem. During the campaign, clothes deemed “immodest” were collected. Women rose to the challenge. The organization handed out coupons for “authorized shops” to those who handed over “forbidden clothing” so that they can buy new clothes.

In an announcement published by the rabbis, they clearly define what is forbidden to wear:

Tricot shirts

Lycra shirts and skirts

Open-collared shirts

Short and tight skirts

Skirts with a slit

Skirts with a straight cut

Long or bulky earrings

Clothes and bags in loud, flashy colors

Wigs that are too exclusive

Transparent or colorful stockings

Clunky shoes

The result: Violence
The war against immodesty has recently descended into violence. Extremists attacked women with various sprays who were wearing clothes that didn’t fit their criteria. Clothing stores in Jerusalem have also been hurt. One of the stores near the center of the city sustained an attack of bleach bottles. Tens of thousands of shekels of damage was caused to the merchandise.

Most of the list of verboten clothing is a variation the same old “that whore with her tight clothes makes me think of sex”, but clunky shoes?

Oh, and it’s not just that these clothes drive lustful thoughts in otherwise pure men; they’re to blame for “the troubles befalling Israeli people”; nothing to do with starting a racially segregated state on an ethnically cleansed territory while keeping a couple of million people locked up in bantustans even the old Apartheid regime would’ve admired while than.

Read more about:
wingnuts, Zionism, Israel

Hey, Rachel Moran! Ever Heard of Rehab?

Published on January 26, 20075 Comments

Spoilt Brat

Tampa Bay’s very own spoiltbratblogger Rachel Moran once again amply demonstrates her qualifications for a spell with the nice people at the local ‘residential spa’.

As Lindsay at Majikthise very helpfully points out Moran is writing about the homeless again and, as the lady herself once saw fit to grace us with her exalted presence and we continue to take a proprietary interest, I popped over to take a look.

I do wish I hadn’t.

hey, rick baker! ever heard of a SHELTER?!

Hooooray, guess what I did tonight? Kicked it with a homeless dude, of course, ’cause, you know, you made such a point of it.

I walked out of the Garden, where Sam The Pickles was playing the deep drum-n-bass, makin’, like, two pretty girls shake their ass for fun, before I hit the Brandy’s Liquor Lounge for the real Bon Jovi throwdown, courtesy of The Movie.

What is it with this woman? She seems to think she’s lliving in some kind of picaresque novel with herself as the heroine. She’s sleazing round bars in a provincial backwater, thinks getting drunk and/or high, tooling around in her Mercedes (‘Benz’. Oh dear.) on her Daddy’s money and talking drunken bollocks with her fellow trainee middle-aged lushes isn’t just another dull and tawdry story of a life lived in quiet desperation. Nope, she’s got to justify it to herself as some kind of transgressive, edgy, art experience, just because she’s blogging about it.

That could work in theory: ‘Mary Sue as Patrick Bateman’ hasn’t been tried in blogging yet so far as I know, so at least she’d have novelty value. But even taking it purely as a writing exercise it doesn’t work, not with Moran’s writing it. She’s just so damned incoherent.

I had trouble finding excerpts to feature, because for the life of me I cannot see any point where the whole rambling story hangs together. So one chunk’s as good as any other:

The Snoop Dogg look-alike was out of earshot or had given up by this time. I don’t know. I don’t care.

“What’s your name?” said the guy in the other Benz, in front of the cop.

“Mercedes,” I said and drove away, safely, slowly, thinking about you, and a cop kickin’ it by my car for no reason, and a homeless man that is perfectly sufficient asking you to hand him things.

I got a lot of flack when someone handed me things, so I stopped doing it.

My, oh my, what a difference a year makes.

Your challenge – buy something off a homeless person at an exorbitant rate. Don’t let the transaction take longer than it needs to.

Now pretend you go out and see police at every corner. I know you weren’t there, because the street was empty, except for the Snoop Dogg look-alike who sold me a stoge at a dollar (a 400% markup). Pretend also that you could handle the same transaction as smoothly.

And now tell me I wanna beat people up.

Uh?

I’ve really tried, but I can’t for the life of me find where that particular moral can be drawn from this story. All I can conclude is that Rachel Moran thinks the fact that she didn’t beat a homeless guy up on this particular occasion proves that she doesn’t want to beat people up. This from a former law student? It’s a good job she never graduated, she’d’ve been a liability to the profession.

The one thing that does come across from the post is that Rachel Moran thinks this is an adequate riposte to her critics and they should shut up and butt out.

Butt out? Oh no. She obviously wants attention, so she shouldn’t complain when she gets it.