Bottoms Up!

Just an everyday story of binge-drinking Republicans…..

I really should be listening to Gordon Brown’s budget but as usual whenever Brown is on the air, I soon got bored. So the story of how congresswoman Mean Jean Schmidt slipped and went arse-over-tits in Bush fluffer-in-chief Michele Bachmann’s vomit on St Patricks’s day was a godsend and cheers to Down With Tyranny! and Jesus General for livening the monotony:

MEAN JEAN SCHMIDT vs MICHELE BACHMANN’S PUKE

-by Karen Allen

This past Thursday in Washington, U.S. Rep. Jean Schmidt (R-OH) celebrated St. Patrick’s Day early… in her own unique way. Schmidt, known in her district and elsewhere as “Mean Jean,” entered a bathroom in the Cannon Office Building, stepped in vomit on the floor and fell into it. How unpleasant for the vomit, which is thought to have been deposited there by a celebratory and inebriated Michele Bachmann (R-MN)! Schmidt emerged from the bathroom indignantly screaming about the lack of janitorial services therein. Shrill shrew Schmidt soon attracted a group of people with her screeching and gratingly loud voice who then observed the vomit running down the back of her clothing.

DWT readers will recall Schmidt’s ranting speech in November of 2005, when she denigrated Pennsylvania’s Jack Murtha causing the ensuing chaos that shut down the House of Representatives for half an hour. Of last week’s spectacle, Politico reader Vaughn D. Taylor said, “Cowards slip and fall, real representatives never do.” Rep. Jack Murtha had no comment other than a loud guffaw.

What goes around, comes around, Mean Jean, even if it’s via lunatic extremist Michele Bachmann.

You may remember Rep. Bachmann from this embarassing video of her trying to suck Bush’s face off after his State of the Union speech..

Oh, to have been a fly on the wal to see Schmidt covered in chunks. But then any flies in the vicinity would soon’ve alighted on the vomit …. so no, let’s not go there. Not at dinnertime anyhow.

Happy Bad Mothers’ Day

It’s Mothers’ Day again in the UK, and as has been par for the course so far in life, both my sons seem to have blithely ignored it. I think I may have made a rod for my own back; it was me that taught them it’s a manufactured, capitalist holiday designed to squeeze more money out of our guilt, but WAAAH! You little ratbags! You could at least’ve sent a card!

At least there’s always the Bad Mothers Club to solace all us misunderstood British mothers out there. It’s written largely by its users and though it’s occasionally cheap, vulgar and hardly correctly feminist it’s compelling reading for the window it gives into other women’s lives and families. The personal stories and comments are often hilariously funny as well as frequently tragic:

Oh-so-perfect-Dad katkit66

Ok this really pisses me off. I look after my 5 year old daughter 6 days a week and on the 7th she goes to visit her dad.

Great. A full day to myself. But on her return I have the same conversation with her every single bloody week. ‘My Dad says you should play with me more. ‘Now before you read any further let me tell you, I DO MY BEST. I do her homework with her – I have made special documents on the computer soley for this. I read a bedtime story to her every night. I play Barbie dolls with her. I help her play dressing up. I play I spy on the way to and from school with her. I play computer games with her. I play ‘lets be silly’ with her, even when I,m on the bloody toilet. I could go on, but I wont.
My point is, that her Dad lives with his Mother, so when my little darling visits him for the day, he hasnt got to do the shopping, the cooking, the washing, the ironing, the cleaning etc etc, SO HE HAS GOT THE BLOODSY TIME TO PLAY ALL DAY WITH HER COS HE DOES SFA ELSE!!

Boswellox, bollocks Yacketyblah

OMG it annoys me so very much. Boswelox and pentapeptides and Pro V. Erm, no. I don’t buy it.

Ooo, look, I’m rubbing a tiny bit of this soapy thing on my perfectly made up cheek and lo and behold, look how clear and clean my still perfectly made up airbrushed skin is. Please rush out and buy me!

And, Nadine Baggott, I happen to think that around £20 for a bottle of the same stuff I can get at tesco for a couple of quid may as well be a celebrity price tag.

STEPSON FROM HELL justmyfather’swife!

I’ve looked after him for the past 13 years (14 since his natural mother died) He’s now 21 and ever since leaving school has been in and out of prison, in trouble with police, on curfew (mostly at ours!) He’s now got his girlfriend pregnant and we’ve just paid 200 quid yet again to keep him out of prison for her sake! Now I’m the big bad wicked stepmother because I broke up a physical fight between them, in MY house. Hence my name you’re JUSTMYFATHER’SWIFE!!!!

Stop any J. Random Woman in the street and you’d hear a story like one of those. As all mothers of whatever variety know, motherhood is a blessing and a curse; nothing in life can ever give you such joy or such pain; particularly so at the moment with the political and ecological outlook so bleak and the future so doubtful.

This being the internet I’m bound to be accused of having beien exclusionary of fathers and the childless in this post to the glories of motherhood – well, tough titty. It’s Mothers Day and even if my kids have forgotten, off having their grownup lives, I haven’t. Today as every day I shall be acting like the Bad Mother I am.

AA – Battery Included

How often have you heard recently that some sexually predatory and disgraced politician or cleric is OK now, the slate’s been wiped clean and it’s all good with jeebus because it was all about the booze, or the drugs, or the sex addiction and blah blah they’ve gone into rehab blah?

Rehab is a massive business worldwide; the teen rehabilitation clinic industry alone is worth $1.2 billion annually. Making money from human misery can even buy you an ambassadorxhip to Europe.

12-step programs, being peer-led and largely self-directed, really should be better than these medically industrialised warehouses of emotional trouble, shouldn’t they?

But a recent rape case questions whether anyone involved in 12 step programmes like AA ever give any thought to the damaged people that some of their admittedly criminal peers may have left in their wake. Are 12-step programmes a good alternative to medical rehab or are they ultimately an expression of pure selfishness in emphasising the addicts’ recovery above all other considerations including the law?

Tucked into Deborah Orr’s column in this morning’s Independent was this short item:

An astonishing rape case in the US features a man who got in touch with a woman he’d raped may years before and confessed to her by letter in order to “make amends” in step nine of his 12-step Alcoholics Anonymous programme. The woman in question, a Mrs Seccuro, was unimpressed by the gesture, because her own recollection was of a violent gang rape, while her assailant’s was of something deeply unpleasant but rather less elaborate.

I hadn’t picked up on this in my meandering around the internets so I went googling, and it’s a well reported but ugly story:

Read More

Spin and Redemption – A Lenten Story

It appears that that paragon of all virtues, Cherie Blair, (or Cherie Booth QC when it suits her) is to bring Christian enlightenment to us godless proles by giving a Lenten talk on BBC Radio 4.

Cherie Booth
Wednesday 14 March

repeated Saturday 17 and Sunday 18 March

Cherie Booth QC finds the themes of restorative justice in the story of Zacchaeus

Which naturally gives rise to some immediate questions:

1 Why is the BBC spending licence-fee payers’ money giving the partner of a suspected criminal in an active investigation airtime to pontificate about private morality?

2 Why is an active member of the judiciary broadcasting their personal views on the nature of sin and redemption to all and sundry on the public airwaves? and

3 Can anyone tell me why any political spouse, unelected to any office, should be given a platform for their religious views at public expense? And of course the most important question,

4 Is the Beeb being manipulated by a professional spin job?

I’d be very interested to know the answers – and don’t give us that ‘she’s a public figure, it’s in the public interest’ crap either, Auntie Beeb. It doesn’t wash.

The Blairs have always modelled themselves on the Clintons and Cherie has always been politically ambitious. The parallels are obvious, particularly now Hillary is running for president. Has it given Cherie ideas? On a little further googling it seems that this little BBC talk may be but one tactic in a grand strategy aimed at the transformation of the much-loathed Cherie into Our Lady Of The Charity Photo-Ops.

Just in these past few weeks she’s done women’s rights in Uganda, made friends with Pakistan, smiled her letterbox smile at scared children in Rwanda and became a celebrity ambassador for the Howard League for Penal Reform. I smell PR micro-management.

Of course it may be that all this public do-gooding is just designed to rub off on poor disgraced Tony. There seem to be moves afoot to position the Blairs post-resignation as members of that inchoate class, the ‘great and the good’ – the people who turn up on Royal Commissions and quangos or heading acronymic international bodies that no-one knows the purpose of, drawing a fat stipend and expenses all the while. Or is it all actually about Cherie and her own future political career?

Cherie Booth/Blair’s position in British politics is a vexed one. While it’s absolutely her right to pursue her own legal career despite being married to someone in the public eye, rather than choose to be an anonymous sidekick this political spouse has chosen not only to embrace the limelight but to use it to advance her own career. She’s a private individual when it suits her and a public figure when she nees money, which is often. She now commands 30,000 pounds and upwards for a speaking fee. She’s a politician, but no-one elected her. Forbes calls her the 62nd most powerful woman in politics. Not bad for someone who’s never been put to the electoral test.

Carefully crafted as this PR strategy appears, the big question is: will it work? Well, it worked for the Clintons post-impeachment. Bill has taken a step backwards into benign elder-statesmanism and money-making, a fate Blair very much wishes for himself. Hilllary is now front and centre as a senator and presidential candidate, a position Cherie must envy, given that she reportedly set aside her own ambitions in deference to her husband’s.

Clinton at least is putting herself on the electoral line, but Cherie prefers to exercise her influence privately just now, amassing a fortune in the process. That’ll come in handy later should she consider standing for office herself. She wouldn’t dare to put herself before the voters any time soon- she’d be massacred – but ten years down the line, who knows? If she does stand it’s sure as hell it won’t be under the name Blair; there are some things even spin can’t make palatable.

And then there’s the cash for honours affair, which may yet throw Cherie’s plans totally off-course, though that rather depends on whether the the Met have the gumption and the evidence to arrest and charge a sitting Prime Minister.

(I have to wonder what Cherie would do if the plod came knocking at 6am at No.11 with an arrest warrant for her husband. Would she do a Tessa Jowell to save her career or would she stand by her spouse like a good Catholic ? The answer to that question will determine whether all this careful public positioning comes to naught.)

It makes me really angry to see the BBC complicit in a Blair rehabiliation programme. Was it the religion commissioning editor’s idea to ask Cherie to do the talk? If so, why the hell did they think that was appropriate? Or did Cherie Blair or someone who works for her approach the BBC? If so, it shows a remarkablly naive susceptibility to spin. Is she being paid? If so, how much?

You might ask whether dicusssion of Cherie Blair and her media manoeuvrings is very politically productive when Blair’s big war-crime, Iraq, looms over everything.

I’d say of course it is: it’s an object lesson in how politicians use the media as a form of revisionism. The history is being rewritten as it happens, The acid test of all this will come ten or 20 years down the line: will we be saying “Cherie Blair? Who? Oh, you mean Cherie Booth, the PM.” or “Cherie Blair? Oh, you mean the war-criminal’s wife”.