Gordon Brown urges police to walk people home from cashpoint
Articles with the Tag Funny
If You Flinch Easily, Look Away Now
Male readers, try not to immediately cup your family jewels protectively while reading this Metro story; your workmates’ll think you’re having a little private pleasure in public. Female readers – just try not to laugh.
Singapore:
A boss and his secretary who were having an affair saw their romantic tryst interrupted in a wince-inducing manner – after a car crash led her to accidentally bite his penis off.
According to reports in China Press and Sin Chew Daily, the 30-year-old woman was performing oral sex on her boss in a car in a Singapore park, when the car was struck by a reversing van.
The impact caused her to bite the man’s penis off.< Just in case this wasn't already bad enough for those involved, the incident was observed by a private detective who had been sent by the woman's husband to catch them out. He described how, shortly after parking, the car started to 'shake violently' - but then was hit by the van. He said that the woman screamed loudly, with her mouth covered in blood. Whole story
Comment of The Day
From Charlie Brooker’s column in the Guardian:
I showed my dad who’s 85, the stuff about expenses. He said he wouldn’t piss on Brown if he was on fire, and that would be hard because he’s incontinent.
Heh.
You Know How to Whistle Don’t You….?
You just put your prehensile lips together and blow.
Then you make a CD, of course.
Hot on the heels, or should I say claws, of the disco parrot comes the whistling orangutan of Heidelberg:
Entitled “Ich Bin Ujian” (“I Am Ujian”), the CD single by Ujian, a 14-year-old orangutan, will go on sale at the zoo in June. Proceeds will go toward the extension and renovation of the zoo’s ape house.
The song, a jaunty pop-rock number with reggae elements, features Ujian’s melodic whistling as a background element. The lyrics, sung by Tobias Kämmerer, follow a similarly self-aggrandizing stance as the classic “I Wan’na Be Like You” sung by the orangutan King Louie in the animated movie “The Jungle Book,” with the chorus including the lines: “I am Ujian the orangutan, I am so cool, man, I’m a star.”
If Ujian’s the new Susan Boyle, I wonder, will they be giving him a Susan Boyle style makeover?
Pandering to The Pizza Base
What a political weekend.
Never was so much freeloaded by so many in New Labour’s long march to attain – and maintain – the haute-bourgeois lifestyle to which they think they should be accustomed. Never were so many acres of newsprint or miles of pixels expended in condemning it. ‘Do they think we’re stupid?’ is the general cry.
Yes, they do.
If this ASDA customer service recording is any evidence, they’re right. We are stupid. And like greedy MPs, we all expect something for nothing too:
Hello? Is that ASDA/Walmart? Can you deliver another Parliament, please? This one’s got no bottom to it.