Getting Very Silly II

Temper, temper, Lord Foulkes:

Looks like government nerves are getting a little frayed.

This would be the same Lord Foulkes who claimed £54,000 in expenses from the House of Lords, including overnight subsistence of £21,014 and a day subsidy (meals and extra travel) of £7,626, despite concurrently sitting as a Scottish member of Parliament.

What did his lordship’s party colleagues think of his performance? Not a lot. Labourhome:

Lord Foulkes disgraces himself on the BBC

In response to being pressed about what the public might think of all these expenses claims when they are having to tighten their belts, Foulkes says “No!”, showing his ignorance. He then starts spouting the party line on funding for health and education and prisons etc. He refuses to answer whether they should be made to pay back the money, then attacks the BBC for “sneering at democracy”. Yes, that’s right: a member of the House of Lords accused the BBC of undermining democracy when they try and hold people like him to account.”

Do they actually have to be strung up from lampposts before they get it?

The Foxes In The Henhouse

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Over the past few days multiple pundits have referred casually to the House of Commons Commission and the Members’ Estimate Committee without bothering to explain what it is they do, or more importantly who they are. The first is in charge of the regulation of the House; the second’s in charge of MPs remuneration and expenses and was accused of bias from the start:

A review of MPs’ perks and expenses has been condemned as a stitch-up.

The panel picked by Commons Speaker Michael Martin to carry out the investigation is dominated by politicians tainted by sleaze or who have campaigned to keep allowances secret.

So I thought I should take a look at who’s currently on this committee and who, if any of those tasked with keeping their fellow members honest has got clean (ish) hands themselves.

The score? Not good: only 3 out of 5:

    Rt Hon Michael J Martin MP (Labour ): The Speaker’s been spending hundreds of thousands of pounds trying to stop the details of the expenses claims being published: he spent £1,400 on chauffeurs to drive him to his constituency job centre in Glasgow (60% of children in his area live in “workless households”) and to Celtic football stadium; he employed his wife and daughter both on the payroll for an extra bite at the cherry:

    On top of his £137,000 salary, he has a pension estimated to be worth £1.4m, and the best rent-free apartment in London. His wife was earning £25,000 a year in the first years of his speakership, and his daughter until very recently worked as his constituency secretary. His son, Paul, eased gently into the Scottish parliament, earns £50,000 a year. And, even though he has a primary home fully paid for by the taxpayer, Michael Martin claimed £17,166 last year in housing allowance on his home outside Glasgow, which is mortgage-free.

    Rt Hon Harriet Harman QC (Lab) : Clean so far as is known apart from that one dodgy donation.and a few pesky clerical errors. But that’s largely due to an accident of geography rather than innate rectitude. Harriet’s answer to accusations of corruption? Blame Derek Conway. To be fair, she has voted for pay and expenses reform. But then she can afford to, on over 140 grand a year plus expenses (Which she helps to set the level of. Neat.).
    Sir Stuart Bell (Lab): Sweeper-under-carpet-in-chief and Church Commissioner. Fought disclosure of expenses tooth and nail; currently trying to have the administration of MP’s expenses and pay privatised, so as to exempt it from the Freedom of Information Act so we can’t see how completely lax he’s been and string him up.
    Rt Hon Nick Harvey (Lib Dem): In 2008, Harvey told his fellow MPs: “The public believe—quite erroneously, in my view—that our allowances are excessive, that there are irregularities in the way in which Members claim those allowances and that the systems in this place are lax. I repeat that those are not my views”
    Then why did he say this?

But even the three committee members with (currently) clean hands themselves. McClean, Harman and Harvey, don’t think they or their greedy colleagues have done anything wrong; they’re either tribally loyal to party, like allegedly bipartisan Leader of the House Harman and Tory Chief Whip McClean, or complacent, like lone Lib Dem Harvey. It’s not MPs, it’s the system, they cry.

But they control that system: they could have stopped it. They didn’t. Better to kick it into the long grass and hope it goes away. It hasn’t.

I was always taught as a good churchgoing girl that tempt somebody to sin was a worse sin than the one incited. Harman, Martin, McClean, Harvey and Bell allowed their colleagues steal from the public. They turned a blind eye; they even participated. They’re just as guilty as their greedier colleagues, if not more so.

Labour To MPs – Keep On Troughing, You’ve Done Nothing Wrong

Oink, Oink, Oink. So much for shame. Peter Riddell, The Independent:

A remarkable email, sent to Labour members by the Parliamentary Labour Party’s office and leaked to The Independent, says: “It would be easy for the public to gain the impression from this [media] coverage that MPs are generally claiming excessively or outside the rules laid down by Parliament, which is not the case.”

The briefing paper, from the PLP’s resource centre, insisted that the expenses claims disclosed in recent days enjoyed “the full approval of the parliamentary authorities”

[…]

Today MPs will launch a drive to restore public confidence in the system.

More…

Good luck with that. Squeal, piggies, squeal!

‘Be Off Oiks, Or I’ll Set The Wallabies On Yer!’

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I was very tempted to have titled this post Bouncing In The Borders. Or maybe Leaping in The Lupins, or Jumping On The Jasmine, or Hopping on The Hostas or Boinging in The Buddleia …. I could go on and on.

So I thought the The Times was remarkably restrained with the headline on its report that shire landowners are are increasingly choosing wallabies as pets:

Home-grown wallabies hop in to help gardeners keep their lawns trim

Thousands of miles from their native Outback the marsupials are replacing sheep, horses and geese in scores of country gardens and fields.

All prospective owners need to keep their lawns clipped are half an acre of land, a lot of grass and a large fence.

Oh, is that all. Let’s all get one! They’re pretty expensive though, in addition to the land requirement:

The wallabies cost £150 for a male and £600 to £700 for a female, while the sought-after albino wallabies fetch £1,000 for a female and about £500 for a male

Ah, so it’s posh people buying them then? Thought it might be.

On a waiting list for wallabies is Richard Sheepshanks, who lives at Rendlesham Hall, near Woodbridge, Suffolk. He has 10 acres of land.

“I have a wife, four children under the age of five, and we already have a menagerie with seven dogs, five sheep and four peacocks. I could use sheep to keep down the grass but they are messy and stupid,” he said.

He added: “We have a walled garden separated from the main house which has a 25-foot outer and 10-foot inner wall but it’s a bit wild and the grass needs keeping down.

That’s not a trend, it’s just J Random Posh Bloke who has an unusual pet. Typical Times puff piece. But who cares, wallabies are cute and not at all aggressive either. Just the opposite.

They would be useless as security guards, though. Mr Lay said: “They’d run a mile from a burglar or stranger. They are timid creatures and really harmless but adults will growl if their young are threatened. And they don’t like dogs.”

(They don’t like pigeons much either.)

It’s almost a shame they’re not aggressive – I do like the ridiculous mental picture of an irate, tweedy, posh bloke threatening to set the attack wallabies loose.

If they were, and wallaby ownership were an actual trend, then given the propensity of suburban landowner wannabes to ape the gentry, it wouldn’t be long before marsupial ownership percolated down the social scale from the shires to the stockbroker belt to aspirational Barratt home land and thence to the outer ring estates. Given the price of wallabies, before long pitbull-wallaby breeding farms’d pop up and we’d see drug dealers pimprolling along with snarling wallabies in studded collars bouncing threateningly by their sides. Or what if they escaped? Imagine hungry, feral wallabies attacking beloved domestic pets before bounding off into the dark.

Good job they’re herbivores, isn’t it?

Comment of The Day

From Charlie Brooker’s column in the Guardian:

I showed my dad who’s 85, the stuff about expenses. He said he wouldn’t piss on Brown if he was on fire, and that would be hard because he’s incontinent.

Heh.