I expect this job ad has been blogged all over the world by now, as it has shown up in #afp already, but it’s too funny not to post. This could’ve been my life, if things had worked out a little different… I still got the Adminspotting t-shirt.
So you were a top Web Developer, once, many years ago, until the “correction”. Now nobody cares and you are shunned in public, much as lepers were in the fifteenth century. Your modern-day equivalent of the chiming bell and vile burbling exclamations of “Unclean! Unclean!” is the obnoxious ringtone on your expensive mobile. There’s a good chance you listen to either Sisters of Mercy and Bauhaus or elaborate Paul Oakenfold remixes, with a bit of bootlegged Chemical Brothers thrown in for good measure. Maybe you find yourself missing the ashtray completely, and your ESC through F3 keys are thoroughly clogged up with burned, cancerous grey flakes. For better or for worse, you’re familiar with such repugnant images as goatse.cx and know what STFU means. In all probability your beverage of choice is Jolt/Columbian Cola, and you have the weeping stomach ulcers to prove it. You give copies of Photoshop 7.0 to your friends, thereby depriving a fat CEO somewhere of a heated driveway. You have a world-crushing collection of MP3s. Your author of choice: Neal Stephenson or William Gibson. You have every volume of Gaiman’s Sandman series, though you decided after Volume III that it`s all a bit of a wank. Sometimes, you pretend you are in The Matrix. Your half-elf mage/rogue is at Level 9, and has actually worked out how to put a Bag of Holding within another Bag of Holding without imploding Ravenloft. You can pronounce “Urotsukidoji” without hurting yourself, and can rocket-jump better than anyone you know. You have a bit of an attitude when it comes to Windows XP, and you like to recompile kernels.
No Sisters of Mercy or Bauhaus, but lots of KMFDM and Rammstein, as well as more “classic” metal. Don’t smoke but did drink more coke than is possible for a healthy body. Yes to goatse.cx and STFU or RTFM even, no to giving away copies of photoshop and indeed my mp3 collecting style cannot be beat. (three words: off-site backup storage) Don’t do roleplaying, always knew there was more to comix than overpraised goth boy and Gibson only wrote one good novel, while Stephenson is excellent but annoying at times. Can pronounce “Urotsukidoji” though and yes, I do have an attitude about XP. Until the fucker fucking stops fucking up, I fucking will.