Both the place I’m currently working at as the one that actually pays the bills were very understanding about the situation with Sandra and I could’ve taken more time off than I did, but I wasn’t looking forward to staring at the walls in my flat for another week. Last week I survived mainly on adrenaline and with the support of my family and friends (the sympathy I’ve gotten in comments, mails and posts like Michel’s was very welcome) and Saturday I collapsed. Nothing drastic, just that I woke up at my usual time, just in time to listen to Saturday Live and I didn’t know what to do with myself. Nothing I could read interested me, internet did not appeal and even the last refuge of the desperate, daytime television was no comfort. It was only a momentary glitch, but it confirmed what I already suspected. No matter how others grief, I needed routine, distraction and a chance to not think about it all…
Because there’s a heck of a lot of free time now to fill up. In the past two years life revolved around hospital visits and/or taking care of Sandra when she was home, with everything else pushed to the margins. That overwhelming focus is no longer needed now and all my usual distractions aren’t quite enough to fill that void. Work helps, to a certain extent. But I still need something more, something bigger than me to believe in — nothing scary and religious, but some sort of cause to work for or hobby to get deeply involved in, something that does more than just entertain me for a couple of hours. I need to get more political again.
First order of business: Resurrect Prog Gold.
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