Sandra — eight years on

So I was noticing all this week I wasn’t being my usual cheerful self and was feeling a bit depressed. I also noticed that the eight anniversary of Sandra’s death was coming up this Thursday. Putting two and two together however? That took until yesterday. Sometimes the hurting’s so deep inside you only notice it when you actually stop and think about it.

Grief is a funny thing. At some point your brain just gives up on it, evolution only tolerating so much moping before it wants you to move on with things. That first year I felt it every day; eight years on there can be days, sometimes weeks without me thinking about it. On a day like this it’s out in force again.

Hector (2005 – 2019)

Today was the first time in almost fourteen years that I wasn’t woken up by a desparate meowing from just outside my bedroom at some ungodly hour because somebody had decided it was time to get fed.

Hector falling asleep on my arm

That was Hector in a nutshell, always afraid that he wouldn’t be fed, always convinced there was something just that little bit more yummy than whatever was in his bowl already. When Sandra and I moved here with our first cat Monty back in 2005, we decided that he needed a little friend to keep him company as he couldn’t go roam the streets anymore. So off we popped to the local animal shelter and one little friend became two, as when we found this little cutie, we found her playing with a small three legged tomcat and we couldn’t bring ourselves to separate them. She became Sophie, he became Hector.

Hector in happier times

As we were told it, he was found in a sewer drain, his back leg almost bitten through, probably a rat and it had been amputated when he came to the shelter. He never really missed it as far as we could tell. His own remaining back paw grew to twice the size of a normal cat’s, while his shoulder muscles belonged on a cat three times his size. He couldn’t jump, but boy could he sling his claws in you and hoist himself up if he wanted to sit in your lap. He did get a bit frustrated though when he wanted to scratch the side of his head his missing paw was on. The stump would move but he just couldn’t figure out why the itchiness didn’t disappear…

In the summer you wouldn’t see him until it was time for dinner. He’d spent his days somewhere in the garden complex inside the block our house was on, sunning himself in one of the neighbours’ gardens. He had a special bond with our next door neighbour and with the neighbour’s pet bunny, whom he seemed fascinated with. Perhaps because it had a similar gait as himself. But if the way he walked resembled a rabbit, his personality was more puppy than kitten. Enthusiastic, goofy, energetic, always wanting to be around you or near you, but not much for laying still. He was everybody’s friend, even though he was a bit of a scaredy cat with strangers.

He could be incredibly annoying and underfoot and I’ll miss him terribly.

Books read October

Yes, November has almost finished and I still haven’t put up what I read in October. Looking back at my monthly reading roundups you can really see where I started to lose interest and went for watching anime over more literary pursuits. I just haven’t had the energy or concentration to focus on books, since at least July or so. That’s the first time that’s happened since I started my booklog. So this month again there are only two books I remember reading:

Deconstructing the Starships — Gwyneth Jones
a collection of essays and reviews on fantasy and science fiction dating back to the early to mid nineties. Interesting, even if I don’t necessarily agree with Jones’ opinions. Also interesting to read this a decade and a half after publication, with enough time passed to see which burning issues of the day sizzled out and which are still ongoing concerns.

The Rhesus chart — Charlie Stross
A Laundry novel I bought when Charlie came to Amsterdam for a book signing, but I don’t seem to actually have gotten it signed. A scrum team of high end banking IT nerds independently invents vampirism, things get worse from there on out.

Books read September

Onwards and upwards. Still a way below average month as I’ve not felt much of an urge to read, but at least I managed to finish four books this time:

The Gospel of Loki — Joanne M. Harris
A rewriting of Norse myth from the point of view of the title character. A freebie from Nine Worlds, rather enjoyable.

Two Serpents Rise — Max Gladstone
Californian style water politics imported into fantasyland.

S-F Women A-Z: A Reader’s Guide — Sandra Ulbrich Almazan
A free ebook bundling of blogposts showcasing female SF&F authors. Sometimes I think I should do something similar with a collection of my own blogposts, but this is a good reminder of why that’s most likely a bad idea.

Root of Unity — SL Huang
The third novel in the Russell’s Attic series in which Cas Russell falls apart, in more ways than one.