How Weird About Sex Are Fundies?
I’m much obliged for this link to commenter Melanie S. at Pandagon, without whom I’d’ve never known that “A BDSM relationship between a dominant husband and submissive wife is actually the ideal of marriage set out in Ephesians 5:22-26 taken to its logical conclusion! “
The answer to the how weird are they question is – pretty damned weird, if this hodgepodge of biblical justifications, wishful thinking and perversion is any guide (Link NSFW.) Here’s a couple of excerpts that I’ve Mrs Grundy’d to make them just about SFW.
On a*al s*x :
I thought the Bible said a*al s*xwas a sin.?
This is a common misconception. A*al s*x is confusing to many Christians because of the attention paid to the Bible?s condemnation of homosexual acts. However, it?s important to realize that these often quoted scriptures refer only to sexual acts between two men. Nowhere does the Bible forbid a*al s*x between a male and female.
In fact, many Biblical passages allude to the act of a*al s*x between men and women. Lamentations 2:10 describes how ?The virgins of Jerusalem have bowed their heads to the ground,? indicating how a virginal maidens should position themselves to receive a*al s*x. Another suggestive scripture tells of a woman?s pride in her ?valley? (referring to her buttocks and the cleft between them) and entices her lover to ejaculate against her backside: “How boastful you are about the valleys! O backsliding daughter who trusts in her treasures, {saying,} ‘ Who will come against me?’ (Jeremiah 49:4) And in the Song of Songs, the lover urges his mate to allow him to enter her from behind: ?Draw me after you, let us make haste.? (Song of Solomon, 1:4)
Oo-er, missus. Seems to me this guy’s been reading his Bible in entirely the wrong state of mind, or should I say body. I don’t remember that being taught in scripture class. The reader questions are quite illuminating too:
My boyfriend and I drink each other’s semen. We don?t have oral sex because we believe it is forbidden by the scripture. We believe that it is the way God intended us to be – just like David and Jonathan.
You cite the Biblical story of David and Jonathan, which describes a close spiritual relationship between two men – ?the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.? (1 Samuel 18:1) Jonathan and David loved each other deeply, and even wore the same clothes (?And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword, and to his bow, and to his girdle. [1 Samuel 18:1]). However, the Bible doesn?t say anything about them having sex or swallowing each other?s semen. You and your friend would be better off each drinking your own semen, as described above. If you want to do it together, that?s probably OK, as long as you don?t touch each other.
Oh, well, that’s all right then. Wank away, boys!
I dunno, the needless theological knots some people tie themselves into, trying to convince themselves they can have their cake and eat it. They want to live in the perpetual smugness and public approval of the Saved, while still doing the wild thing all night long in a gimp mask, furry handcuffs and a studded butt-plug.
Moral majority my ass – or rather theirs.
Read More: Fundies are just plain kinky.
