Married for thirteen years, widowered for twelve

Thirteen years ago today I got married:

Martin signs the wedding certificate

Slightly less than twelve years ago, I became a widower.

For reasons I don’t want to make public quite yet, it hard me a bit harder than normal this time. The grieving process is an extended farewell. Part of that farewell is letting go of the physical reminders of your loved one. The food you bought because she liked it, the clothes, perfumes and other things she left behind you cannot use and cannot keep. The little touches here and there in your shared home that were particularly hers. Plans are afoot that will necessarily bring about a loss of most of these reminders as I’m starting a new chapter in my own life. A very positive change, but none the less on a day like this, one that hurts a bit.

8th Episode nervous breakdown

This is not how a well person texts:

Close-up of soyo's phone showing a string of sent messages apologising to Saki

Bang Dream! It’s Mygo!!!!! is the most darkest entry in the Bang DreaM franchise so far. Instead of nice stories about starting a band together, this one started with one breaking up and things did not improve from there. This episode again was as emo as your average Roselia concert. The focus this time was on Soyo, the ex-member of Crychic who seemed the most put together. Seemed. To be honest, I distrusted her friendliness and cheerfulness from the start. She seemed to be in denial about how badly Crychic had ended, a bit obsessed with getting back in touch with Saki, the one who broke it up in the first place. She seemed friendly and helpful, but there was always something manipulative about her.

Soyo tearfully tugging on Saki's arm, imploring she needs her and the others.

After episode’s seven’s concert, what should’ve been a triumph turned sour because Soyo got upset they played Crychic’s old song. Soyo got upset because Saki was in the audience and she got upset hearing it. So this episode she spent ghosting her team mates and guilt tripping Mutsumi, another ex-member in bringing her to Saki’s home. Which did not went well. Saki confronted her with the truth: Crychic was not coming back and trying to revive it for her own selfish reasons would just hurt everyone. That Soyo took it badly is an understatement.

A posterboard full of neatly arranged buttons

by contrast, Tomori is moving forward, even inviting Anon in to her house. I liked how we got a slow pan of her bedroom with all its various collections neatly stashed away. Also liked the detail of her serving Anon milk, when you’d ordinarily expect some sort of tea. With five more episodes to go it will be interesting to see how this will all get resolved.

The Golden Age of Science Fiction is Twelve

Even to this day I occasionally find myself trying to “similarize”. I stare intently at a piece of the floor, blink to imprint it in my mind, then try to teleport to it. That’s the way van Vogt described it in his Null-A novels which I read as a very impressionable teen. I completely get where Ian Sales is coming from:

There are occasional moments when The Players of Null-A does that that thing which made 1940s and 1950s science fiction so compelling at the time: those wild shifts in scale, where battle fleets comprise hundreds of thousands of warships, and journeys cover thousands of light-years in a single hop. It’s horrendously implausible… but never quite manages to break suspension of disbelief. It’s a technique sf no longer uses, perhaps because these days the genre uses tropes differently, often uncritically, with no real knowledge of their meaning or history. But that’s an argument for another day.

Reading The Players of Null-A, I was bemused at how easily I’d been taken in by van Vogt’s writing as teenager. The two Null-A books, and a later sequel, Null-A Three (1985, Canada), are predicated on general semantics, a quack “behavioural system” proposed by Alfred Korzybski, as was “non-Aristotelian logic”, in the book Science and Sanity: An Introduction to Non-Aristotelian Systems and General Semantics (1933, USA). It’s complete nonsense, a sort of self-help by-your-own-bootstraps perversion of Kant’s “ding an sich” — which is given a far, far better fictional treatment in Adam Roberts’s The Thing Itself (2015, UK).

His writing, like that of other utterly self confident bullshitters like Heinlein, is catnip to a certain type of bookish, smart teenager. He had that trick of taking you the reader in his confidence, flattering you that you were capable of understanding what he was talking about even though it was complete nonsense. A thing like general semantics would’ve come across as obvious crackpottery had you encountered it in any other context. It being used as the premise of a science fiction story actually gave it a certain credibility. There must be something in it if it can be used for science fiction!

It was a different time. I still have the read to pieces Meulenhoff omnibus edition of the Null-A novels my parents gave me for my fourteenth birthday, but I haven’t read them in decades. When you’re fourteen you don’t notice van Vogt is just a terrible writer; it’s the ideas that enthrall you. Nor do you notice how outdated and dumb those ideas are. When you’re reading science fiction for the first time everything is new and exciting, no matter how hoary it really is.

Good Christian Music

Christian music doesn’t have to be hateful or suck, as Flamy Grant here proves:

It’s sent her to the top of the charts which means there are a lot of Christians out there not afraid of inclusion. As she puts it:

“I think one of the reasons my song resonated with people is because people are tired of all the religious gatekeeping, and ‘Good Day’ is an anthem of inclusion,” she said.

She continued: “I’m so grateful to everyone who is sharing my music, and I hope it does a small part to drown out the message of exclusion and disgust for queer people that has come to be a defining marker of conservative American Christianity.”

In a world where it often seems Christianity is just a synonym for bigotry, it’s good to see inclusion win.